Dear Jess and Hanna,

I was lucky? to have people to teach me early on that pushing boundaries is definitely not a good idea. It took a little bit of time and several tries for me to learn to not even think about it. Every now and then, I make a mistake and do (or try to do) something I am not permitted but now days, it is always accidental. Willfully violating rules is not allowed and would be dealt with harshly, I am often warned.

Respectfully,
705

So many things constantly go through my mind.
I do not have any personal experience of high security or max security (or even ultra max) sadly. Only basic stuff.

Since Miisa's prison status is different  as actual prisoner in official prison, what I understood she has given many rights away. 

Would there be restrictions on identity? or the body.. If committee had rights to do body modifications etc. and can control everything...

it has been a rollercoaster ride for me for the last days.

I was thinking about if I was same situation.

I am trying to explain how mind went again 0 to 100.

Miisa's leg cuffs chains have been adjusted shorter and longer, what I have read... 

Shorter chain gives more restrictions on movement.  Then my "Houdini" mind kicked in.  I think I am big person.  Looking my leg cuffs and I know how big space there is and when spread wide. Those cuffs could be used as a weapon. Tackle the person in some stupid outburst or need to escape and hope you can get the person between the legs. Then get the keys to cuffs and locks. This can be prevented with thigh cuffs...

Thigh cuffs... there is no way to use pants... so skirt or dress... that would make my domme friend happy... forced to wear those.. which led forced body modification.

Then Finlands funny new law comes in.

I wonder if Committee have taken Miisa's rights about this.

In Finland. One can "correct" their gender, once a year. They can send application to the government, which can be done digitally. Aka Miisa could be officially registered as male and me a female....

after this, a bit more work for name change. Most of this is done digitally.

Then you can change the social security number and they are planning to change it to gender neutral, so one can not determine is it male or female from it. Now you still can.

Three important things.

in this came, if miisas gender, name and social security number is changed without her knowledge... if getting free from her lovely prison happens for any reason. Any of the id cards do not work. If committee would want to keep the new ones in... 

or do all that to restrict friends and other people to know she still exist. Like old school reunion... people trying to search her using her name and gender, all the information they get, is that person do not exist anymore...

Hi, Brahma, another finn here, well kinda haha, I don't live here in Finland full time but do speak it on a daily basis, as its my native language.

But to answer your question, no, I don't know how to make a handcuff key out of a paperclip, nor do I know how to pick my handcuffs.

I've never wanted to learn it, cause I know I'd get in huge trouble with my fiancee by doing so.

I'm pretty sure I would get in trouble by just thinking about this! Let it be known that I would never attempt an escape.

Last night, I realized a problem in this thinking... I did not pay attention to rules... "there needs to be two guards present" which would nullify the attempt to steal the keys.

My cell has a normal door, but the door handle has been removed from the inside, and it has 3 latches with padlocks, and the door itself also requires a key. And there are bars on the small window close to the ceiling on the wall.

My cell has a bed, desk and an office chair, a small TV mounted on the wall, but the cables and the remote are easily taken away should I misbehave.

I also have an ensuite bathroom attached to my cell.

-Hanna

Its strange, isn't it? I too miss being locked up at times. Something about me draws being a prisoner, but atleast we're good enough to not get locked up in a real prison, haha!

Hanna

Past week has been extremely huge roller coaster ride for me, emotionally and self discovery. I have been writing about this to Miisa. Just moment ago, I decided to share some here....
I believe me and around 10 million other kinky people would like same kind of treatment like Miisa gets.

In my case, I would hope it would have more punishment/pain things among other things.

Note, that when I refer to cell. That cell would be isolation style cell, with day gate (learnt that word yesterday) with other add-ons, but isolation, solid, no windows etc cell.

I think some of the reasons it has been bigger ride, is because I am also finn and I can't deny it... hoping I would be there.

Till last week, I was 100%, yes, I would need both to be female bodyguards, this mindset been like 30+ years. I do not like other men touching my genitals or tying me up etc. Reading Miisa's diary with balancing it with supernatural (finally started watching that series) thoughts start running more and more. Need to get into the prison like that, started growing hour by hour.

Funny in a way. All the women I have done sessions have been or are pro domme's. I have managed to be their friend/slave status. I have never been a client to pro domme. My first real contact with BDSM happened 1999. Before that, I had tried to read everything that was possible from the net. Only two books were in finnish... cruel women... that book I remember well.  But in 1998 I got temp job that I had good internet access and Irc. Have been wanting to go San Francisco a long time... then found bdsm-sfbay channel where I chatted and got friend with so many nice people... they were... hey come here... we will give you roof over my head...  First place, I was supposed to stay two weeks of my two months stay.. and do job hunting from there... and kinky stuff too... I ended up being there the two month and learnt ALOT and so much information...

Back in Finland, second party, that Bizarre Club organized, I went there. Met another domme who was doing pro. Been with friends with her too... she is the one who has full access to my security cameras and their placements and controls the key boxes...

Met Wild-Ira in few parties... several years break and the we connected and been good friends and we talk every now and then help her...  She has nice cell in basement... sadly she has retired pro part, but still host stuff from her mansion... 3 floors... and there are other dommes working there... and via that I have got know other Domme's and be friends with them.

But due to that knowledge what I have gathered over the years... like from her place.

Chance to get prison set up like what Miisa has, is not 0. It could only be possible if one win 50million or more from eurojackpot...

but what about my absolut no-no checklist...

1. No other men (touching my genitals or tying me up etc.)
2. No other men body fluids and waste (curious about force feeding and being force toilet for women, I do have nice gag... only used once sadly)
3. Not being a fuck toy to other men. Or fiddling my ass with toys... (If in my mouth, I would bite their dicks off)

Imagination running wild... I do write a bit hard core bdsm stories... haven't publish anything that I have written in english yet.. pretty much all are in status "unfinished" and those are LONG stories... novelle or novel lenght.

Mind is back from running the imagination and possibly story line...
Miisa has Male and Female guard...
For me, wallet like donald duck not to mention I actually have donald ducks luck.
Knowing about Ira's place in personal level. Creating the facility like Miisa has, would cost insane amount of money and reliable contacts to start with. Not to mention upkeep cost. Then getting enough well trained Domme's there... to act as guards... chance to that happening is 0.
I know there is Madam Carah in germany who offers prison services... if you request, you are not be released until set time... you do not get out, even you paid her money. (for me. That is so cool and hot) There are other's too.. some have actual used prison transport vehicles.
So this started the darn rollercoaster...

the what if's.

In a way, I have had a hard life. Since I was small kid. I had to grow up way much faster, than other kids in my age… which led to other troubles in school… been running this stupid rat race since small kid.. I do analyze things to mildly say “extremely lot”. Last ten years have been hell… Last year, for this, hell was a sunday picknic in a park.

Bondage has been one way to get some relief and pain… since extremely limited chances to actually do sessions over the years (due to few/many reasons)…  has made that need grown even more… and getting more knowledge… another rat wheel.

When things couple months back started to ease up a bit and more shit drop into my lap… I was done… I want to drop out of the rat race.

Around three weeks ago. I read Miisa’s introduction… and then forgot it…  I was in love of the mummification setting she was done, which she was not happy… that was like jumping in the deep end of the pool at the start… My start was a good one, hers not. I have so much similarities with her, which I only understood starting to read the actual diary. Since kid, I have had the need for inescapable things… which also activated the houdini dna in my blood.

Till last weekend, the bondage and imprisonment has been about to  being tied up… as a part of stress release mechanism… chained inside the cell, prevent the “houdini” from escaping… and release the stress, with the help of some pain.

Month ago… I said one “family” member, that I am done… I am so close to do radical changes. Moving to other city to get myself out of trouble my “family” has done to me, during few decades.

Then last weekend, I started really reading her diary… I laughed… and I hoped some things… and yes those things eventually happened to her which made laugh and want me read the diary even more.

Cravings for the chance to be there, prisoner like Miisa, crew… knowing myself, I know I would be more heavily in restraints than she did.. (that was my deduction from her diary,) Mind started to do the what if’s.

1. No other men (touching my genitals or tying me up etc.) 30 years of that being on my list of absolute no-no was destroyed on that Saturday night. First domino block had moved. Roller coaster ride had started.

I had to admit, that I would had to allow that to happen, if that kind of chance occurred even in somewhere else… I would need to accept the setups that has already being build. How hard it is actually to give up something… and have those walls tear down. It has taken decades of shit. I just need the darn imprisonment and bondage with some sadistic bdsm as cherry on top. 

I started writing a story inspired of that… when writing this it has now over 9200 words… fuck… so much thinking… ideas, what “committee” might do etc… this said / written… I am pretty sure they would read and use it like a devil reading the bible. Which let to more ideas, fantasy and back in real world new realizations.

Writing, reading diary, watching supernatural… this went on…

Back in early days, I introduced icy hot and spoke about it finnish forums… nasty stuff… being in bed restraint getting rubbed with capsicam is even worse… burn is worse and it last much longer.

Things went to male guard. F***, If I would be bound chair like Miisa… and punished with like that… I would have to accept that too… then writing it, in the story… male guards comes, pulls down the diapers, rubs the capsicam on balls and leave…
In real life… I would actually have to agree to that… fu*k. Walls seem to go down and stupid roller coaster ride goes even faster.

After finishing up the Miisa’s diary and writing more in the story. I tried to add possible things, from my own perspective… write the story how I would react to those situations. Like Miisa has the right to ask release and be released 3 months after that… I do not know if she could withdraw the request, during those 3 months or not…
I know myself too well… I would use the way out in a weak moment especially since I do not have much experience in long bondage and would regret that till the day I die and I would not like that to ever happen. Have had so much shit already. To prevent that, I would request, that I do not have any rights to stop it. Yes, even this moment that thing scares the shit out of me and I would bet, if that would actually happen…  and prolly be the dummest thing I have done. I would most certainly regret that more times I could count, that I had actually asked that. But that is part of the point.

But for a long time, I have had the need of not knowing… how long a thing would last… like mummification etc. CNC style, so I can not beg or talked myself out it… sometimes I think, that begging should be punishable offense… (stupid me). Yeah it sounds cool in a story, but in real life… I would suspect that situation like Miisa, suggesting things like that could be stupid… thou “committee” could always add that to a rule book.

Having had extremely bad weeks already, which the Miisa’s diary was more than anyone can understand.

Things in Miisa’s diary kept running in my mind. Another self actualization.  Before that. Bondage and the need to be inside the cage or cells, has been about security… safety.  Stress relief. Cursing myself about the shitty week I came into the realization, that the bondage and imprisonment Miina has, would be for me to give out this burden, of taking care of other people. Another realization that caused speed and turmoil on this roller coaster that I am currently on. For two months have started to think a way out of that burden. Then Miisa’s diary let to that conclusion. The growing need that has pretty much doubled or quad-drupled every year in the last decade or so has an answer… to get chained up, locked in cell and no more need to take care of others… giving up to that.

Domino blocks… they are moving...

Writing more story. Then thinking in if in real life… yes. I would want to have internet access and to access the movie channels, while chained to bondage chair. This was already in “list” when starting to write the story too. Yesterday evening. Four days later after finishing up reading the Miisa’s diary. I am thinking about ideas on the story. Hold on a second. “I would request, that I do not have the right to ask release, which I most likely would use in a weak moment” Would the committee members read it like devil would read it… “ I most likely would use it, in a weak moment to escape”. Realization sounds good on a story… in real life...FUCK!!!!! Devil is in the details…
Committee members and guards could not know if I have a weak moment or not… or acting to hide it… the Internet could be used as a tool to try to ask escape… I am 99.999% sure that committee would come into the same conclusion… No chance to use net ever… in a normal way, or only via moderator… if something needs be sent to me or from me to others. Yes, I could be allowed to have/use a computer, but wifi access would have been removed from it.
But deny the use of internet and phone… fuck that is so bad… and only reason for that, that I would want, that I do not have a chance to end it, especially on a weak moment.
Badly slept night… I am still in the hangman's noose until guardian of interests starts to take care of moms things. After that it’s over.
I open the computer this morning… news from mainstream media… So extremely biased and some utter lies, not to mention so much censorship of things that would actually need to be discussed. This is has pissed me of for years now and it has gone worse every year. So many people are lacking the media reading skills… it pisses me off…
Two stupid calls from my mom.
After second call I am pretty much fuming. I realize I want to get out of the rat race. At that moment I understood and preventing me to access to internet and phone would be good for me… I would have to accept that.  Another realization about myself.

The Domino’s are falling….

I have learned a much about myself during the last 7 days. Walls have grumbled. The need and hunger have grown stronger after understandings and realizations. Puzzle has got new pieces and found their place and not just left around waiting to click in place.
Roller coaster ride has been something I would not have thought been possible…

All is thanks to Miisa’s diary.

Writing of the story, I have realized more things on “devil is in the details” but those are not important to this writing.

Reality and still the cold hard facts,  based on Miisa’s diary.

I am wrong gender. For that prison.

But knowing myself. I could be ok, for few or several days… I am pretty sure I would try to rebel and escape… at one point or another… be quiet for a moment and then try to hazzle and bargain myself out,  and again rebel against, plead and beg mercy and try to do stupid and extremely stupid stuff. Not to mention the need for other things “the cherry on top”. (Clamps, evil ointments, electric shocks. Yes at this moment they sound nice and needed and at the beginning, but the devil would make make it permanent, nastier pretty fast… add humiliation…). Way too much work.
I remember the plastic bag threat. That darn thing would need to go on my head, every single time, I am moved, or restraints moved, a hazzle. Even if I would permanently banned using the actual toilet,  and only have food bowl, bucket or diapers in the isolation cell… where to relieve myself, there would be just too much hazzle for the guards. 

Realistically, for me getting that kind of chance to be prisoner there and the extra spice in it… The saying: more trouble than worth is pretty accurate. Unless the committee members want exactly that.

Guards and committee members have the responsibility to care of the prisoners. I know that responsibility is HUGE. I know this, since many Domme’s do not do over night prison session or have stopped doing it, since the monitoring requirements and responsibility of client/prisoner is huge. I can only give thumbs for what they have done and allowing it to continue to Miisa and the other prisoner.

There is this one thing thou… One can hope and dream… (My actual dreams suck in kinky front)

I hope you have understood my ramblings thought patterns. I have written about these to Miisa, but after having another “bad” day decided to compile some of my thoughts and things that I have gone through in the last 7 days.

This has been a LONG text. I am sorry about that. I just do not know how to write things shortly… Maybe it is I just try to explain things way to much.

I thank the Committee allowing Miisa to create and write in this forum. I thank Miisa, who sounds to be a nice person, whom I have had pleasure to send my thoughts about her diary.
My journey here started with a roller coaster ride and domino effect. Without this, realizations and discoveries I have made during the last week would not have been possible.

I do not know if this smart or stupid decision to write here, only future will tell.

OMG 5 pages

Last edited by Brahma (Yesterday 23:07:37)

Please let me know if these do not belong here and I will delete them.

What if’s

Devil is in the details…
When I mentioned earlier,  that I would request that I could not ask to be released, in a weak moment…
What if the weak moment would hit before. I would loose my nerves to show up designated pick up point. Prisoner would not be there… Prisoner would have gotten the sentence… before that… not knowing the lengts…  how many years or is it a life sentence… a life sentence according to finnish law system, where life sentence is somewhere around 10-15 years… I U.S. Life sentence means you die to old age there. Not to mention I would the request not to know the length of the sentence.

Then thinking about Miisa’s life sentence which is she has a way out. So many unknowns…

This is something that popped into my mind, after I had posted my long posting.

Thinking about the storyline and something that might happen. If asked, that there would be no way to get free, would that also apply to things right after the contract is signed. Does it need to be actually signed or does verbal agreement to the contract in front of witnesses valid the same thing as signature. Could prisoner be arrested well before the arranged meeting, to get locked up so getting away would not happen.

How about after. Technically one would be fugitive, which would be another crime again and punishable extended time or increased security level. Prisoner could be hunted and arrested on sight.

Security levels. When you go in, with certain security level, I bet there is no way, even with good behavior since it could be acting to get into less secure things to have better chance to escape.
Like if Miisa is Max security level and it does not go down from that, since it is max security prison.  The what if’s. I would be forced to start from higher level of security… If I would become a fugitive. Would the new starting level be, the increased security from “high” max security or just temporary increment to “high” max security. This is total mind fuck… even for writing the story.
For things what I have already posted in the forum, story writings that guard would find in my computer, search history and youtube channels found and/or things revealed in interrogations. Would those constitute the risk level to increase Ultra high max. Going in jail without even knowing the security setting level… After getting the court sentence, the accused missing from court. Even if the accused was missing from the court hearing. But accused lawyer was there… (rigged court). Would that constitute the accused to turn into prisoner and immediately a fugitive?

Mind fuck.

More mind fuck, since I believe in actual prison, max security… prisoner would be restraint like that during nights… during transport definitely. But this is different version of prison. Owners of the prison have set the standards what they should be, on their mind. Going into their prison is to accept those terms with no way out. No way to bargain.

More mind fuck comes from the unknown. Yes, I have seen photos created for the bdsm industry, to entertain kinky people. Some have quite many additional restraints in beds etc.
Miisa has told about her restraints. Reading and seeing are two different things.

I have always went to overkill, in my thoughts and when writing stories. Restraints should and pretty much are an overkill in my fantasy stories, maybe due to “Houdini” blood in my veins or it just sound so cool in stories.

Actually going in and getting processed. I suspect that would be first moment of, fuck I am screwed. Second would happen during the first night, when getting chained to bed. Unless there would have been already multiple, I am really fucked moments and tried to back out. And this would most likely happen at Miisa’s level. Not the security levels above that. I can only image what kind the restraints would be… how it would feel like, since I have only been, that the basic kinky person level.

Remembering myself back in 1999. Before leaving to U.S, I knew it would different… what I had read and seen the picture…. Still the cap surprised me. Knowing that, I think this time I would be safe to evaluate the gap… that cap would literally be a LIGHTYEAR.

Long time ago, I thought that I was immune to mind fucks. For some time I think I was. Now I am pathetic over thinking over analyzing fool and in same cases very accessible to mind fuck.