Thank you so much for the encouragement.
It feels good when someone writes this way.
I have some "pen pals" but they usually don't say anything in public.

The details are important to me. Sometimes they seem silly to an outsider.
I remember a lot of expressions, gestures but also scents and colors,
I also remember sensations, physical and mental ... a lot of little things that get big in my mind. I also remember my thoughts, sometimes my dreams.
Because my English is bad, I can't explain all the things but I try.

On my last doctor's day, I met a psychiatry student (I'll tell you more later) she's very interested in me and my life. Her interest is not much by my sexual orientation, she is interested in why I am what I am.
It's been interesting to talk to her, she knows how to ask the "right" questions. They make me think.
I think it will help me to continue writing my "Life Story", including its painful things.

a continuation of the previous writing (Doctor visit)
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A male guard was waiting for us in the lobby, we moved all four together to the elevator.
I looked at myself in the mirror again, maybe I'm a little pale. An experienced doctor immediately noticed that I didn't go out much.
After the elevator, we again waited for the man to pick up the car at the front door of the building.
I was like a royal waiting to be transported. Except I was between two escorts and stared at the wall.
The car came in and we moved out, straight into the car.
This time the man was sitting in the driver's seat and the female guard locked my legcuffs. She also locked my seat belt and then handcuffs carefully. I was ready for the next drive.
Ilona was sitting next to me and the guards in the front seats just like when we came here.

"it went really well" Ilona told me "We are happy with your performance, the whole team".
I too was happy, everything was going very well, I don't think the doctor noticed anything special. I managed to keep our secret.
"It may have been a surprise to me that you are in such poor physical condition," Ilona said with concern, "But on the other hand, what else would you expect because your life is so limited."
The car was already moving forward, towards the next destination, east. Ilona had said that it would take about 15 minutes so I had time to relax.

"We have sometimes discussed this, the effects of restraints on your physical fitness and your mobility," Ilona said. "Then you thought it would be interesting to see how your physics change in the long run" she thought
"Now, after ten years, there are already obvious changes. They appear in your walk, in your sitting, even in your hand movements. You may not have noticed, but in the doctor's room you were always behaving as if you had handcuffs locked, and you walked back to the car in short steps, as if you had legcuffs with a short hobble. "
"It's a learned way that doesn't go away quickly," I said.
"True" Ilona replied "it's very interesting to see what it will be like in twenty years ... or thirty years."
"Then I'm over 50 years old" I wonder, "the old woman in chains".
"No 50 is not old yet" Ilona wondered "You can easily live to be 80!"

I'm wondering .. I don't know, but that would be quite a record, 60 years of limited life, in restraints, inside private Prison.
It's hard to imagine life so far, I can't even know what's going on for the Committee at that time. Certainly it changes over the years but I'm still confident.

Ilona looked at me intently, she clearly saw that I was thinking.
"But now move on!" She said cheerfully, "Next to the dentist. She's my old friend, actually a school buddy from years. She's lightly inside the fetish scene, she knows about you and your lifestyle: She's even researched your writing and Diary. She's very excited about your meeting."
"But you have to understand," Ilona said seriously "There you are yourself, a prisoner with a code of conduct. You're not free like you were in your doctor's examinations recently."
We already turned off the ring road, the trip was surprisingly short. I saw a mall that also had a tall residential building. We drove to the parking garage of the mall, near the elevator.
Ilona sent an SMS and received a quick reply.
"All right, we can move forward," she said.
The female security guard got out of the car and came to unlock me, the handcuffs stayed on my wrists. She left the legcuffs to stay on the connectorchain, she simply wrapped all chains on my wrists and handcuffs and locked them in it.Ilona took a long leather jacket from the car, which she folded and placed on my hands so that the handcuffs and chains were hidden. We got out of the car and again all four of us got on the elevator.
The elevator rose only three floors. When the doors opened we were behind the door of a normal apartment, in the hallway. There was a sign on the door with the title and name of the dentist. Ilona rang the doorbell.
The guards were by my side, on both sides, holding my arms. Security had really risen.

to be continued...

True, especially at this time.
I may have been lucky to have been out before the current epidemic started and spread here.

Nowadays my guards wearing masks when visiting in cell,  gloves they have been wearing for a long time ...
It's a little weird not being able to see their faces.

I realize it's in my best interest. They are dealing with the outside world, not me.
Getting sick here would be horrible.

a continuation of the previous writing (Doctor visit)
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The dentist turned a light desk in front of me.
I couldn't see properly because I couldn't lift my head.
There was some instrument on the table, and behind it was a rack for drills and other necessary tools. Everything was normal dental stuff... except the big metal device ... I didn't see it properly but it still bothered me.
The dentist saw that I was trying to see better. She took the device in her hand and showed it to Ilona.
"Dental Gag" she said proudly, "I have had this for a long time but I've been using it very infrequently. Only in a few cases where the patient is under anesthesia. It keeps the mouth stable position".
I knew what a dental gag was. It is a device that forces the jaws open.
I looked at the device, it didn't look nice. It was shiny steel. It was shaped arc, the parts were clearly intended for behind the front teeth.. The part outside the mouth was hinged and had some screw adjustment on each side of the mouth.

I didn't want it in my mouth. I had a flashback to mind my past life, from the time when I thought I was in love with a Russian business man.
At that time I was still fine but my man's partner, Alek, was a sick sadist back then.
Alek brought women from Eastern Europe, working as prostitutes all over Finland. Usually they were in Finland for a few months, maybe six months, in different places every month.
He always chose one woman for her use for a month. Then the woman disappeared and a new one came in to replace her.
It was explained to me that Alek had a contract with them and he paid them but I don't know...
He treated women very badly like cattle ... violence, coercion, humiliation, inhuman imprisonment and torture.
Women were suffering a lot, I was stupid and I believed they had a financial contract for it.
It was only afterwards that I learned that this was not a bilateral agreement. Women were forced into it, their loved ones threatened to be killed if they did not obey, etc. They were far from home and could not change.
I was very stupid then, I didn't understand. Eventually, the same was attempted for me.

These thoughts came to my mind when I looked at the dental gag.
I remember how Alek forced a big metal O-ring behind the women's teeth. It forced them to keep their mouths fully open at all times, sometimes for days. Their hands were chained so that they did not reach up to their mouths.
Women drool uncontrollably, they were almost impossible to eat, and drinking was difficult. All this just because Alek might want to have oral sex sometimes.
... how could I imagine it would be voluntary?

So ... bad memories came to my mind.
I don't think Ilona even realized what I was thinking but I was hit by a big panic. I didn't want my mouth forced open! I pressed my lips tightly together, tried to move but I was locked in a chair very effectively.
I watched Ilona in distress, I wished she understood! I couldn't say anything, I had no permission to speak and no one had talked to me. The dentist had clearly spoken to Ilona all the time, not me.
Finally, Ilona understood my distress.
She asked the dentist to move and sat in her chair beside me.
"Shhh, Shhhh" she reassured me, she stroked my shoulder and arm "What's wrong? You know nothing bad happens when you know how to behave properly".
Tears ran from my eyes.
"bad associations" I explained quietly crying "memories of the past".
"You have nothing to worry about," Ilona said in a firm voice, "only you can hurt yourself, not anyone else. The dentist wants to operate in this way so as it happens. But I'm next to it and take care of you, you just have to rely on".
Dentist seemed a bit confused, my reaction had surprised her.
She showed the device to Ilona and introduced it "Steel parts don't come against  teeth, it has a rubber coating in between.  The device prevents the patient from closing her mouth and biting tools ... or my fingers."
Again she spoke only to Ilona, not to me.
Ilona listened and then looked at me questioningly. I sighed and nodded approvingly, I surrendered.
At the same time, I thought that I could ask for a little loosening of the straps, but I knew beforehand that it would be useless.

They changed places again, the dentist sat next to me.
"Ok, mouth open" she said and placed a gag close to my lips.
Opening the mouth was incredibly difficult, the mental lock was great, but eventually I opened my mouth and he fitted the device between the teeth.
She handled the adjusting screws and I felt my mouth forced open. It didn't give me pain because I didn't resist it.
In the end, the mouth was as open as possible so that there was not much pain in the jaw joint. It was unpleasant but tolerable.
The dentist adjusted  headrest down so that my collar did not press my neck.
I tried to relax.

to be continued...

a continuation of the previous writing (Doctor visit)
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"One more thing," the dentist said. She looked at Ilona and continued, "I want to stabilize the prisoner's head so that I can work easily."
Ilona looked at her in astonishment.
Dentish took a long blue wide strip from the desk drawer, maybe 15 to 20 cm wide, latex, I thought. She also took two plastic bags containing some liquid.
She showed them to Ilona and explained, "The bags contain liquid silicone, they come to the sides of the patient's head, to the level of the ears. I use Latex cloth to tie the patient's head to the chair, Latex is thin and stretchy, it's comfortable for the patient ... or well, as comfortable as possible. "

I was horrified and looked at Ilona, I wanted her to deny the dentish plan.
Ilona reached out and took a latex cloth in hers hand, She tested it for stretching, it looked very elastic and tough. Finally she handed it back to the table.
"Okay, it's possible, but the inmate's breath should not be blocked," she said.
"Of course not!" Dentish laughed "how could I operate if the patient's mouth was blocked!".
I felt her take the elastic band off my hair and release the ponytail.
Next she placed the silicone bags on the sides of my head, in side of my ears. They pressed my ears evenly and eliminated almost all noises. She put a latex cloth over my forehead and eyes, she tightened it tightly and tied it under the chair's headrest. I kept my eyes tightly closed, latex clenched my eyelids. I was happy that I didn't have eyelash extensions or other things that would make it worse.

The binding was very effective, My head was like being welded to a chair. I was very efficiently attached to the chair in many ways.
I couldn't see anything, I couldn't hear anything, I couldn't move. Actually the only one I could move was my tongue and toes...
At first I had to panic but I tried to calm myself down. Panic wouldn't help anything.
What Ilona had said ... Time for a dentish visit was two hours ... I decided I was going to endure this.
It was a shame that I didn't hear anything, nor did I see what was happening. I just waited with my mouth open, helpless.
Finally, I felt a metallic instrument in my mouth. I thought a dentish would check my teeth, sometimes I felt the instrument weigh on my gums. Dentish examined all my teeth, one at a time.
Suddenly I felt some sort of drill in my tooth, it was scary but it was short lived.
Sometimes she injected water into my teeth and then sucked it out.
Next, I felt stinging in my gums and teeth, it was sometimes pungent and uncomfortable but short-lived.
I deduced that dentish cleanand clear my teeth with an ultrasound device. She sometimes sucked the water and also handled a metal instrument.

Then came the break, I was surprised when I noticed that she took out the dental gag, it was very liberating!
My pleasure was short when I felt some kind of device being pushed behind my lips.
It felt like plastic, it spread my lips open, it was so big it also forced my mouth open. It was even more unpleasant than a metallic dental gag!
I felt again the drilling machine inside my mouth, but this time it seemed polishing, I even tasted the taste of rubber.
Next came the fluorine treatment, all my teeth were treated. The mouth had a strong fluoride taste.
Then everything ended, nothing happened.
I was still sitting in the chair welded, with my mouth open, I couldn't move. It was very unreal. I wasn't scared, it was weird. I even thought what I look like, tied to a chair, mummified, mouth forced open.
I heard a silent conversation, I was annoyed when I couldn't hear their talk. I would have liked to have listened to them even though I couldn't attend. I heard and felt how dentish sometimes laughed as he chatted with Ilona. I was a little jealous, They might have talked like friends, girls talking.

I was amazed because same time I found that I was maybe a little sexually aroused.
Tight binding, immobility, discomfort, and many other things made me want sexual gratification.
I couldn't move like very little, handcuffs and tight gloves were tightly forced down but I found that I could move my wrists a bit so I felt movement in my crotch area, I was also trying to get back and forth movement sideways in my lower body.
It didn't help much, just my wrists hurt more but I still couldn't stop. I wanted satisfaction!

Then I noticed the room was completely quiet. Was I alone in the room? I don't believe it but I didn't care.
It seldom happens that I can not control myself, I felt that I crossed the line but I can not do anything, I was very frustrated!

In the end, I felt a hand on my thigh, it weighed me down, calmed me. Hand patted me and massaged me soothingly, giving me time.
I felt the awful plastic being taken out of my mouth, I could shut my mouth again.
The Latex cloth was opened and removed from my eyes, I opened my eyes gently, the light was bright.
Ilona was standing next to my thigh, her hand still rested on it.
"Wow ... this was something ..." Dentish said, "Such things don't usually happen in my chair!". I realized they had watched my wrigling.
I was still excited, I was annoyed that I could not achieve orgasm.
I wondered if it had already been two hours?

"One more thing," Ilona said and stroked my thigh. "The dentist will make the preparations to take an exact mold from your mouth and teeth."
"We have not yet managed to find the perfect gag for you suitable for sleeping. Dentish examines your teeth and believes that prolonged use of ballgag will change the position of your teeth. She'll help you with that, " Ilona explained.
"I make two different gags" detish explained to Ilona, I listened.
"First gag remains mounth open and the gag contains a hole to breathe in, a hole to feed a hose for feeding, etc. The other gag is a standard version where the teeth are almost together. It's almost imperceptible. Both types of gag can be locked with a special mechanism to attach to the teeth "  Dentish proudly explained, "and that's not all! Plus there's a design that effectively pushes the user's tongue down".
Dentish looked at me viciously "the option is to have the tongue pierced,  one hole in the middle or even 4-6 holes on the edges of the tongue. The gag tongue section can be fitted with spikes,These spikes are located in the tongue piercing holes, so the tongue is completely locked under the gag".
Real madness! This nice-looking woman is a complete sadist!
I woke up to reality again, sexual arousal was gone.
I looked at Ilona again.
"You know we had a hard time finding an efficient gag system for you. Now maybe the problem is solved!" she said.

Dentish mixed something in a small container.
"Mouth open, I fill the mouth with this stuff, it feels a bit uncomfortable but it hardens quickly, then I take it off," she explained.
She did so, my mouth was filled with mass, she also put it outside my teeth. She squeezed my mouth tight, I felt the mass moving towards my throat ... I was afraid of the gag effect.
It took a few minutes and the mass had hardened. Dentish removed her grip and I tried to open his mouth, it was impossible!
She was using a tool, a click was heard as the mass came off my teeth. I was afraid that my teeth were broken but it did not happen. She watered my mouth with water and sucked off most of it, I swallowed the rest.
Dentish nodded to Ilona.
"Now we can get you out of the chair," Ilona said to me and the guards came to do the work. The female guard put the shoes on my feet and the man removed the nylon straps.
It felt good to move again. The arms and wrists were in pain because they had been in a difficult position for a long time.
The woman took the towel off my chest, it had protected my shirt.

The male guard stepped on my legcuffs hobblechain again. My handcuffs were removed and the woman helped my jacket to me.
Handcuffs were locked again and the legcuffs were removed. Cuffs were still attached to the connectorchain. Legcuffs moved behind me, above the elbows, Connectorchain hung between my legs.
Guard took my long leather coat and put it on my shoulder, it hid all the cuffs and chains. If someone outside looked at me very closely, she might have seen a glimpse of shiny handcuffs or a chain, but it was very unlikely.
Ilona thanked the dentish, they even hugged as friends do.
We moved out. I close escorted and we went to the elevator down to the parking garage.

We sat in the car again. The guard took two short nylon straps from somewhere.
"Cross your ankles," he commanded. I did so and he tied my ankles together tightly, there was a normal nail lock mechanism on the strap. Next he did the same for my feet, above my knee. The strap was tight and made the feet uncomfortable.
Ilona locked my seat belt. handcuffs was not opened for it.

"The journey is again short," Ilona said, "We'll be back on the airport road, near the medical center.We have booked a hotel room for a meeting, it is easiest way to meet strangers".
I was already very tired of the day's events, I had no great interest in meeting anyone anymore ... I would have wanted to return to my cell, under normal routines but I had no choice.

to be continued...

a continuation of the previous writing (Doctor visit)
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We drove out of the parking garage and continued on.
"You might like the treatment at the dentist," Ilona smiled and looked at me.
"For a while I liked it" I told  "but then things got too complicated ... What did the dentist say about piercing my tongue?"
"Yeah, you didn't hear everything because your ears and eyes were covered" Ilona said thoughtfully "As you know we have had trouble finding a good gag for you, especially for the night. As the dentist stated, the constant use of ballgag changes the position of the teeth, it increases the wear of the teeth in the long term. That's a bad thing, we want your teeth to stay healthy".
"We've tried many things, as you know," She explained, "I asked her if she had an idea that could solve this problem. She wanted to help and that's why we were here today."
"Wouldn't it be nice if you could have a gag that fits perfectly in your mouth and has no outside straps? She asked.
"It would be nice if there was no gag at all" I said quietly "I believe I don't need it".
Ilona looked at me irritably, "This is your rules, it's your daily routine. Gag use is already very low, thank you for your behavior ... but it can be added at any time, not to reduce more!"
"But piercing the tongue and putting the spikes on the gag feels like torture" I said "I don't deserve it".
"It was just talk," Ilona said reassuringly, "That was her idea. I don't think it's needed ... but it's good to know it's possible. You also have to remember it."
She also had the idea that you would have a permanently tattooed prisoner status and information. She suggested that the tattoo could be done inside your lower lip. Thus it would be hidden but easily verifiable.
It would also be very difficult to remove, therefore it is very suitable for a life time prisoner" Ilona explained.
I'm thinking ... I'm not shocked by the idea. Today, very small and precise tattoos can be made. I didn't just think about myself. The idea could be used more widely, including with "normal prisoners". The sentence would always be present and easy to review by the authorities. It would also work the other way around. It would be easy to prove the release of the prisoner if the end date of the sentence were visible.

I pondered this and found that we were almost at the hotel.
The hotel was normal, "airport hotel", a simple and affordable accommodation waiting for a connecting flight, etc.
In fact, I had been to this hotel a few times with my Russian "husband", then it was some business meeting. I was there if someone needed a drink or something.
Really, I was just on the show, the man often wanted to show me to his partners ... doll wife in expensive and spectacular clothes ..

The car stopped in front of the door, Female  guard got out of the car and entered the hotel.
The rest of us waited in the car.
My leg position was tedious, the belts were very tight, crossed ankles were pain. The problem was because the strap above my knees was also very tight. The legs twisted badly.
"Could the knee strap be loosened" I asked and touched the strap with my stiffened glove "Even a little?"
"Don't touch it!" Ilona said sternly, "You have to wait a second."
I got scared in her serious voice, I will not try anything. The belt buckle was under my feet so I couldn't even reach it.

We sat in the car quietly and waited.
Eventually the woman came back. She came to my door and opened it, she quickly opened the straps around my thighs and ankles. Ilona opened my seat belt.
"Listen," Ilona said, "We're getting out of the car now, going into the hotel lobby and waiting for the driver. Then we're going to the elevator and from there to the room. The room is a normal hotel room where the guard has made a few changes for us."

Ilona got out of the car and moved to my side of the car, next to the door. I raised my legs and turned sideways in the doorway. My legs were very numb.
"I need some time" I said "my feet don't feel anything, I'm afraid I'll fall if I get up now."
"No hurry, take your time," Ilona said patiently.
The nylon straps had been really tight, my feet tingled when I tried to move them.
In the end, I thought that I'm ready to get up.
"I can try now but be prepared if I fall, I don't want to ruin your fine leather clothes if I fall," I said.
"I hope same" Ilona said seriously and moved close to me.
I stood up, assisted by them, to stand,, My ankles were like boiled spaghetti. I wonder why everything has to be tied up in such a maximum way ...?
Ilona placed a leather coat on my shoulders, She also made sure that the scarf around my neck was well and objectively, the steel collar was not visible.
We went for a walk towards the hotel door. My steps were now, if possible, shorter than before but eventually my legs started to work. But I was glad I had escorts, I no longer thought about what people were thinking.
In the lobby we stopped next to the elevator door. Ilona and the guard were standing next to me, They were looking out into the lobby and I was looking at the advertising picture of the Hotel near the wall, almost nose stuck in it.

Eventually the driver arrived, He had a light briefcase with him. We moved into the elevator, fourth floor.
Our room was almost next to the elevator, the walk was short.
The guard opened the door and we moved in. There was no one in the room.
The room was very simple, a normal hotel room. Double bed ... or two beds side by side, desk, under it a minibar. Two armchairs and a small table. In addition, there was a slightly heavier armchair that did not look suitable for the interior of the room.
The desk had water bottles and glasses and a coffee maker, there was also some coffee bread.

"The situation is this." Ilona said "Your guests are waiting in the lobby bar. When everything is ready in here, I'll invite them here. Now you can go to the toilet, then we'll make you a chair and the meeting can begin."
Ilona took the coat off my shoulders, guard opened the legcuffs that were locked above my elbows. He locked them in my ankles again.
Next we moved to the bathroom, hobblechain made a sound again in a familiar way.
In the toilet, a female guard opened my pants and lowered them down, she directed me to sit on the seat. Eventually she opened my handcuffs and also took my gloves off.
It was a great relief! The hands and fingers had been tightly bound for a long time, they were now free but completely useless, I tried to move my fingers.
"At the same time, make your needs," Ilona ordered, "we don't have time to wait very long."
So I peeed, the guard wiped me and lifted my pants up.
The guard took my handcuffs, the connectorchain was still between handcuffs and legcuffs. He held on to the chain, the guard and Ilona brought me close to the big chair.
"Raise your hands," female guard said and moved behind me. She had a thick nylon belt that she tightened on my waist in the thinnest place, under the jacket. I also heard the mechanical sound of the lock. The belt was uncomfortably tight (It wasn’t a new thing to me). I saw that the chair also had a similar nylon strap. It went somewhere between the seat and the backrest.
"Sit on the edge of the chair," she ordered, and I did.
When I was sitting, she locked the chair strap around my waist, behind my back.
"Sit as back as you can," she ordered.
I moved backwards, at the same time I felt the strap tighten and locked me tightly in the chair. She locked it somehow, next I felt something attached to my collar behind.
"Lean forward," she ordered again.
I did so, the strap between the chair and the collar was so long that it allowed me to move quite freely. Admittedly, the lower part of the torso was firmly attached to the chair.
Eventually the man moved the connectorchain and handcuffs somewhere under the chair, I heard how the handcuff mechanism made a sound when he locked it somewhere.
Ilona straightened my leather jacket and scarf, basically only the legcuffs were visible in the restraints. The last thing they did was they moved a low table in front of me, now the legcuffs were hidden too.
I rubbed my hands, the sensation in them slowly returned. I felt a little uncomfortable. I tested my attachment nervously, it felt very effective.

"Everything is ready now," Ilona smiled and picked up the phone, "I'm calling guests up here now."

to be continued...

a continuation of the previous writing (Doctor visit)
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"That's all," Ilona said and sat down on the edge of the bed "we can prepare for departure".
Guard came in front of me, she showed me my gloves and I held out my right hand to her. I wouldn’t have wanted to wear gloves but I knew in advance that it had to be done.
She put the glove in my hand and made sure it was firmly in place. Then also the left hand. My hands were again isolated and helpless.
Next she bowed under the chair and opened the handcuffs attachment, I was now able to stretch my legs straight, it felt comfortable.
Ilona knocked lightly on the door and a male guard came in. He had been outside the door watching that we were not disturbed.
Male guard came up to me and took my connectorchain in his hand, he nodded at the woman and she removed the nylon strap from my collar.
The woman pushed me forward from the shoulder "Bend forward" she ordered.
When I did, I felt that my waistbelt rear lock was removed from the chair. The nylon belt was still tightly around me.
I was no longer locked in a chair, it felt good. I was now able to move a little forward and sit more comfortably, I didn’t have to be upright forced by the strap.
The guard stopped my movement, he pressed my shoulder with his hand.
"Don't make any unnecessary movements," he warned.
He locked the handcuffs on my wrists tightly, he checked that the edges of the gloves were cuffs underneath.

"Everything is OK?" Ilona asked
"Could I have some water before leaving?" I asked
"The question was for the guards" Ilona said dryly and looked at me "But yes, you can get water".
She lifted the paper cup to my lips and tilted it, I drank gently.
"Thank you," I said.
The male guard grabbed me by the arm "Get up" He said briefly and helped me stand up.
Eventually, he again opened my legcuffs and moved them behind my back, to my elbows.
The connectorchain was loose between my legs but it still prevented me from raising my hands up.

"Now we're getting out of here," Ilona said, "The route is already familiar to us all."
She laid a long leather coat on my shoulders and made sure everything looked neat.
We moved out of the room, into the elevator. In the lobby we stood next to the wall again, I stared again at the same advertising poster as when we came. The man drove the car to the front door.
They led me next to the car and into the car.
I noticed that my seat had an extra nylon strap, the driver had installed it when picking up the car. It came from a gap between the seat and the backrest.
When I sat on the seat properly, a nylon strap came out between my legs.
The guard took the leash and threaded it under the nylonbelt on my waist, front of me... I no longer even remembered my waist belt.
He tightened the strap so it forced me to sit upright, he tightened the strap so that it pressed on my crotch area uncomfortably even as I tried to sit up straight.
Guard took other  nylon strap and bent down to tie my ankles. I sat and waited.
"Cross your ankles," he said, "You know what to do."
I had hoped he would just tie my ankles, forcing me to cross my ankles is unnecessary in my opinion.
I did as he ordered and he tied my ankles crossed, I felt like he tied them again unnecessarily tightly. Finally, he attached a strap that held my thighs together.
The last thing he opened was my right hand handcuff, he put the seat belt correctly and again locked the cuff back.
Whole operation was very fast, we didn’t pay too much attention.
The driver drove away from the front of the hotel, we were on our way home.

We drove in silence for a moment.
"What do you think of this day?" Ilona finally asked.
"The day was very different than normal, it was very stressful and tiring but I'm pleased that everything went well," I replied.
"Now we know I'm in poor physical condition but on the other hand ... my teeth are now serviced and in good condition" I smiled.

I was feeling a little uncomfortable because of the tight nylon straps.
“Does that new extra strap have to be this tight,” I asked
"it hurts me."
"It has to be tight, of course," Ilona said. "This is a prisoner transport where the prisoner must be as tightly secured as possible."
I wondered why the practices are always getting tougher but I couldn’t help but try to adapt.

"What are your thoughts on this last meeting? ”Ilona asked.
"Basically, I'm confident in the fact that things can work," I wondered. "I liked the professor, I felt that he understood me. He did not question my life, and it seemed to me that he is able to understand why I am a prisoner in this way ... he did not try to save or cure me."
"I don't know about the student, this was a short meeting but I can try to work with her," I continued.
"What do you think, should you have more live appointments or be you able to handle things by email?" Ilona asked "The original idea was that there is only one meeting so they can see you and be able to see that you are a real person."
"I accept appointments if it is possible" I replied "it would be nice to meet the professor more often".
"The professor is a pretty busy person, I think," Ilona said, "he would hardly meet you often, but a student more often."
"I need to discuss this with the Committee," Ilona said thoughtfully "I'm not taking a position on it now. But you have to understand that the rules only allow you two visits a month, meaning if a student visits every other week then you can't have other visitors at all."
"And the visiting time is only one hour?" I asked even though I already knew the answer.
"So I understand," Ilona said, "But we're thinking about it in the Committee, maybe you can change the rules, in a special case."
I didn’t like the idea of losing all the “normal” visitors. In fact, I don’t even have many friends visiting me. My friend has her own hurry and family, she doesn’t always have time to visit me. My brother visits me very, very rarely.
But still, it has been nice to know that it is possible ... it would be unfortunate to miss that opportunity.

The situation annoyed me, I couldn’t do anything about it. I can only wait for the Committee's decision.
My position on the seat felt awkward, my ankles and feet hurt, my fingers and hands were tightly stiffened. My posture was so upright that it hurt my back. The strap between my legs was extra tight, it weighed on the crotch area so that discomfort could not be avoided.
... but on the other hand, bondage is a big part of my life. I felt a strange excitement again that I couldn’t stop.

to be continued...

I don't know ... My "path" has been very special, I understand that.

On the other hand, I have had strong thoughts on captivity, control and even bondage very early on.
It can be said that my thoughts and my search for these things led me to trouble, the wrong peoples "found" me ...
But after all the bad experience I want to still continue, and now I'm here.
Now control, discipline, rules and routines provide a strong foundation for my life.
They are my reward in everyday life (sexual reward is also part of it)

I hope I can sometimes write so well that readers understand everything ... my whole story (which is still in progress)

a continuation of the previous writing (Doctor visit)
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There were only a few work-related emails, there were more in my personal account. I have a few friends with whom I exchange messages almost daily.
There was nothing busy about work so everything was fine, I hadn’t let my clients down. It felt good.
The Chastity Belt belt was not good to sit on. The belt is a rough basic model that is not designed for such use. I found it futile that the belt existed on the pants. Now, though, it effectively prevented me from taking my pants off ... but why would I do that?
I understand the psychological purpose very well.
Likewise, I understand the idea of a balance between my daily limitations.
I had a different and exciting day, it is basically good that now I can calm down with extra restraints.

Basically, the working day for ordinary employees is already over but I don’t have precise working hours. I like that I can be on call at the computer.
I was in no hurry for anything, I enjoyed the feeling of leather pants, I felt them on my thighs, I increased the feeling by moving my hand over my thighs, sliding the surface of the leather.
Its wonderful feeling.
I was sad that I have to give them up after this day. My own clothes are good but not like this.
I also worried that the tight straps had made permanent marks on the leather of the pants ... or now the steel parts of the Chastity belt? If that has happened then it is not my fault!

I had been inside the cell for about an hour when the female guard came into the room. She carried the food tray in her hands. She did not enter the cell, instead she opened a small door in the wall and placed the tray on a small level in front of it.
"Enjoy your food, princess," she said, waiting for me to take the tray.
"Thank you Ma'am" I said and moved it to the high side table. The guard closed the door and locked it.
I watched the meal, it had some kind of salmon / pasta stew, salad, bread and two bottles of water. Cardboard, disposable plate and tea mug, plastic fork.
The bottles were 0.5 liter plastic bottles. According to the rules, they may remain inside the cell when I ate, my other articles must be pushed out of the cell when I used them. If they are not out of the cell the next time the guards come, they will interpret it as having a weapon that I can use against them.
I wasn’t going to use them as a weapon, sometimes I wonder what kind of weapon can be made from cardboard containers?
But rules are rules, I understand that.

The food was edible, nothing gourmet food but it's pretty good. I was hungry.
I ate while standing, I always do. Here is a high table for that. I sit very much, so it’s good sometimes to stand and walk inside a cell. Now the extra chains blocked me a bit but I didn’t care.
I remember about a year ago when three chains became my routine. It was horrible, I felt like I was collapsing by their strength but eventually I got used to it too.
During that time, I sometimes had legcuffs with a fixed rod, not a chain. It made it much more difficult to move and made my hips sore. I hated it.
At the time, too, my hand was often shackled inside the cell. The ways were many and varied. Nothing was a nice way.
I don't want that time back. I learned a lot during those nine months.

After I had eaten, I pushed the stuff out of a small slit, they slid neatly into a trash bag that I couldn’t reach.
The next time the guards come into the room, they check that all the items are safely in the bag and only after that do they open the cell door and come in.
...so I can not stab them with using  a soft plastic fork or gash cardboard... especially when I'm chained to a number of chain cell wall. Safety first. All rules have been my best, I have been told.

After I had eaten I surfed the web, visited a few chat sites, etc.
Eventually I heard the door lock open. Two members of the Committee entered the room. I immediately stood up. I placed my hands behind my back, arms horizontally. I stand upright and straight as the rules dictate.
They had light chairs with them and they sat down to sit outside the cell. They looked at me through the net wall.
"Hello prisoner" one of the men said kindly "Go towards us as far as you can so that the chains tighten".
I didn’t have to move much, the chains started to tighten almost immediately.
"Good job," the man said, "The chains are dimensioned very precisely, Keep the chains tight now all the time we're here."
I had to force myself forward all the time, the chain locked to my waist was so heavy that its weight tried to force me backwards.
"You've had an exciting day today," another man said, "We've heard that you've behaved as we expected. It's nice to hear."
"Thank you Sir" I replied "I tried my best".
"What came to your mind from this day?" The man asked
"The doctor's visit was had a normal routine," I said, "it's good that it's done now. The dentist was a little weird experience. I didn't expect that."
"Keep the chains tight" another man pointed out "You have to focus!"
I changed the position of the legs a bit and leaned forward at the waist, the chain tightened but so did the collar chain.
"Good" man said "continue"
"Sir, I was wondering at the dentist about doing a gag," I said, "it feels new and scary."
"True, it's a new thing," the man said thoughtfully. "But we haven't found a suitable solution to the gag dilemma yet, maybe it will be solved now. We need to think openly."
"What about the last meeting of the day? What do you think of that?" the man asked.
"Sir, I'm in a good mood about it" I began to explain ...
"Chain!" another man said firmly, I had forgotten to keep it tight again. I changed position quickly.
"Continue" the man ordered.
My condition was already very uncomfortable but I tried my best.
"I liked the professor, his way of treating me. He was curious and understood me." I replied, "I would like to continue the project."
The men looked at me.
"Good, thank you for your opinions," the man said
"We will deal with this in the Committee on the basis of Ilona's report. We will announce the decision once we know how to proceed ... if we continue. This is a big thing that we need to consider carefully."
The men stood up and took the chairs.
“Keep the chains tight until we’re gone, then you can relax,” another man said.
I fought the chains until they were gone. Then I relaxed. I trembled with fatigue and felt sweaty. I was upset that I had sweated in beautiful clothes, hopefully Ilona would understand that.
I sat down in a chair.

to be continued...

a end of the previous writing (Doctor visit)
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I thought that I get used to the pain over time, it turns into an outside feeling, it’s irrelevant when I get over it.
I tried to move my fingers, they were almost the only part of my body I could move, I was also able to turn my head but very little.
I was trying to put myself in some kind of trance, I was trying to think that I was imagining flying in the air and not feeling anything. It worked for a while but the pain always came back sometimes, it was like waves.
I tried to think sensibly. This is like the start of a normal Orgasm session but it came as a very surprising one.
It might explain the tight crotch strap that was in the car, and other things. Their purpose was to arouse me sexually, as well as a surprising triple chain session inside the cell.
It was so surprising that I couldn’t take a stand on it. It’s only been a few weeks since the previous session and I wasn’t expecting it now. It is the result of me living a well-planned and institutionalized life. I may not understand all the surprises.
I tried to clarify my thoughts further. It is clear that I have nothing to fear, I was safe. I don’t know how long I’ll have to be in this situation but it’s not dangerous. I just have to get used to the situation and wait.
Committee members will come back at some point and continue the session. That idea seemed obvious so now I should know how to wait and enjoy the situation.

I am proud that I am able to manage the pain and other such things, I am able to change the way they are in favor of sexual pleasure.
Now I felt pain and the limitations of tight tying but they felt good, they excited me.
The vibrating egg inside my vagina was a big joke, I do not even feel it. Maybe there were too many other factors but I was kind of disappointed with it.
The super tight harness around my head was horrible. Its tightness  did not loosen at all. I would have liked to lower my head and rub it against the bed but it was impossible because my head was tied backwards.

Eventually I heard the sounds of the door locks. The men and the guard entered the room. The guard opened the cell door and the men came in. They didn't say anything, they just looked at me.
Eventually the man squeezed my fingers, he also touched my feet.
"Can you feel this?" he asked.
I tried to say something but out of my mouth just came some sound, and drool.
"I interpret that as a positive response," the man laughed, "why have you dropped an egg out of your vagina?"
I didn’t know it was out of me but that explains why I didn’t feel it. Anyway, it wasn’t my fault, it might have been an installation error.

As the men got closer I felt the smell of coffee and cigar. I hope they have had a nice break, I thought.
The man touched my face and hair, he had latex gloves in his hand.
"Oh my .. you're sweaty," the man stated, "maybe we need to adjust the cell temperature lower!"
I know it was a joke, he did realize that my sweating was due to pain and discomfort.
The man opened the rope between my head and ankles, I was now able to lower my head down to the bed. It felt so good!
"Maybe you've figured out that now is your extra Orgasms session," the man said calmly, "It's kind of a reward for your good behavior."
I didn’t answer anything, I sighed deeply and tried to nod.
"This is just a quick session where you can achieve satisfaction," the man explained, "This may move your next session forward, the Committee has not yet decided on it."
I didn’t care, I wanted something to happen! I had already reached a suitable state of mind. I wanted satisfaction! no more useless speech.

I felt the oiled fingers on my vaginal lips and asshole. he rubbed them gently. Slippery latex fingers feel good.
I was on my stomach, tied, legs forced apart. I was like a turkey on a tray. I was helpless and it felt good!
He pushed a finger into my anus, maybe it was a thumb. It slid back and forth nicely and softly .. with very calm movements.
I tried to respond to the movement but was unable to move.
He spread my lips and pushed two fingers into my vagina. He now moved all his fingers at once.
My God! With an amazingly simple movement, it creates a good feeling!
He squeezed his fingers together inside me. He rubbed the thin area between the rectum and the vagina inside ... I tried to move more and more but the end result was just a useless tremors.
"You really like this," the man stated.
He took his fingers out of me, I was disappointed but at the same time I felt him push something into my asshole.
"Buttplug ... not big but well-functioning," the man said, "and it frees my thumb."
I felt like he teased me, he pushed the plug in and then took it back. He calmly stretched my anus until it sucked in the plug.
"I want to turn you around, face up," the man said.
Another man helped and lifted me up and turned me on my back. It was difficult because of my frog position and because the collarchain was short.
The position was not easy on my hands.
I thought collar chain ... it was completely useless but it had a very great spiritual significance. Even if the ropes were gone I would still be locked, as always.

The man showed me a shaped wooden object. It was beautifully crafted and glossy. Well finished.
"This is a new wood dildo called Testiamo, It's made in Finland, in the Arctic Circle. The Buttplug inside you is also made by them," the man explained.
The object was really beautiful, it was like a boomerang shape but it was completely round wood, one end was thinner than the other.
The man teased my vagina lips and clitoris into a narrow part.
Eventually, he turned the object around, greased it carefully, and pushed it inside me. it's perfectly crafted. The upward tip hit directly at my G-spot.
The man moved the dildo in and out but also up and down.
I wonder how a simple piece of wood can be such a powerful tool!
It really can excite me! I didn't want him to stop. The problem was that my mouth was full of drool and I was having a hard time breathing because I was face up. But I think it also increased my arousal. The spit flowed between my lips and the ballgag on my neck and bed but I didn’t care.
I am already close to orgasm when a man suddenly stopped.
"I want to try one thing," he smiled and picked up the Hitachi vibrator.
He turned on the power and pushed the vibration against the wooden stick. The wand was still inside me, at the G-spot.
It blew me away completely! I felt like I was flying in the air and all the ropes were torn from me!
It took and lasted, it felt like it never ended!
The man put Hitachi away but continued to move the dildo back and forth, faster and faster until another long orgasm came, with a huge amount of liquid splashing out. I squirt  my liquid everywhere and it felt awesome!
When it was all over I lay quietly. The men untied my ropes. I was still like the edge of a cloud.
The men locked my handcuffs on my back and legcuffs on my ankles. I was still locked in bed through the collar chain.
I was completely calmed and almost asleep.
I didn’t even notice when they took the harness gag off my head.
"Thats it, prisoner." The man smiled at me and waved his hand at the surveillance camera again. "We're ready and leaving, good night."
When the guard came to open the cell door, the man said to him, "Take prisoner to wash and change her sheets. Give her a double blanket so that she will be good and warm. She has had a very hard day."
Then they left.