It feels like you understand me very much. Usually people just find me weird ...
Is the desire for extreme security strange or wrong?

I have a need to be locked and supervised in every situation, and I have people around me who enjoy the fact that I am firmly under control. It is a win-win situation.

I’ve sometimes said that maybe my life is weird but I don’t hurt anyone.
There are a lot of people with things getting worse. Drug users, alcoholics, people with all kinds of addictions, narcissists ...
They destroy their own lives but they also destroy the lives of their loved ones. It is very sad.

Anyway ... you're very much right. I am very nervous in situations that deviate from my normal routines.
I am so deep in my life that I do not know / want to fantasize about other kinds of life. Or of course I can but also in them the basic premise is strict controls / restraints.
I can imagine I’m out there somewhere but even then there are my rules involved. So I can't imagine that "I'm running free in nature towards the rising of the sun."

So. That day I was fastened to a wheelchair with a leather belt that was partly hidden under my clothes. It is basically a normal belt that secures it that a weak person (or with involuntary movements) sitting in a chair properly. The belt was noticeable but not disturbing.
The belt was so tight that I was constantly aware of it. It basically calmed me down, as did the feeling of legcuffs.
Also, I had my collar now hidden under the scarf. The scarf was mounted so that it was also under the collar. I don't know but it felt like the collar was a little tighter so, however not too tight.

To vote, a voter had to have their own pen (Covid-19 rule). I was given a pen and pushed behind the curtains.
The assistant pushing the wheelchair could not come in. I was asked if I need help. If I had needed help, an official election assistant would have come to help me.
The guard held on to the chair all the time but basically he couldn’t see me because of the thin curtain.
When I was done, he pulled me out from behind the curtain and took a pen from me.

The funny detail was that I had to prove my identity in order for the vote to be official.
The guard gave me my passport which I presented to the election officer. I hadn’t held my passport in my hand before (during prison)!
It was a strong experience ... I really exist!

I wasn’t really given any separate instructions for voting or vaccination. I knew them in advance.

It is possible that after a stressful experience of the outside world (or the like), some additional restraints are used.
The most common way is that I have more of a chains inside the cell.

Normally I have a chain between the legcuffs hobble and the floor but there can be three chains. between my waist and wall, and collar and wall / ceiling.
The chains in the cell really tell me where I belong.

... long writing again I'm sorry

Hello

I am heavily dependent on limitations in many forms, physical and mental. It means "freedom" to me.
Some have told me that it is foolish to throw a "normal" life away. They claim I'm losing something because I'm in captivity.

The idea of freedom scares me a lot. It doesn’t fit my thoughts on normal life.
If I were free, I would still live in isolation, afraid that someone would find me and use me and do bad things.
My personal history in life as well as my dreams as a child clearly show what my place in life is. I accept it.

I have been told that psychiatric treatment and medication would allow me to lead a “normal” life.
But still many psychiatric experts say there is nothing wrong with me

My life is also of interest to some people who want to think about it through sexual desires.
I don’t mind if I and my life are thought of from a sadistic or bdsm perspective. There are many people who would like to control me and even affect my daily life.
I will be happy to talk to them as well. I read a lot of different ideas in private messages.
Of course, if someone wants to share their thoughts in public as well, there is nothing to stop it... Actually, that would be nice!

I know that the diary is followed by many readers, very few still write here in public.
A large proportion of readers are not even members of the Forum.

I like long writings and I don't even care that my writing is full of silly mistakes

I have been told that when I was a child, my “desires” came to light already then. My parents took me somewhere to see some person, maybe psychiatry.
A psychiatrist discussed with me and then with my parents. They had been told that I was completely healthy, even wiser and more advanced than others my age
... the same was said by the psychiatrist when I met him before the pandemic.
People can have different thoughts and goals in their lives. Not everyone needs to be the same.

Your idea of a straitjacket is not bad but I am also very dependent on my computer and the web.
Maybe the keyboard can be used on toes ....?

In fact, my current weekend sessions are tough just because I’m isolated from the web. Physical restraint is much easier to endure.

You (or anyone) can reach me by private message here or by captivegirl@ymail.com
Everything is confidential if you wish.

I don't know what's going on over the weekend. I usually don’t even know if something special will happen the next day or the like.

I have been told that it is some kind of security thing. Because I know nothing, I can’t tell about it in advance and maybe endanger my safety and the safety of others.
At least that’s part of the control I’m under.

So sometimes there are surprises in my life that I may not even like.

If you ask me, now there has been far too much activity here on the weekends ...

Hello

the weekend was full of work.
Here in Finland was the election and the photographers produced a lot of pictures that I dealt with.
There were also a few photographers at sporting events. They also took thousands of pictures.

Now the rush is over and I can live my normal daily life.

You don’t have to be sorry for your questions, there are no “wrong” questions.
I think it’s a normal conversation and I like it. No need to worry about asking or saying something that is difficult for me. There are none.

"Full body restraints" is special in the way that it is able to use elements separately.

It is able to use only leg braces. Or just a corset. Or a corset and neck. maybe corset and legbraces, or armbraces and mittens.
It is also possible to wear a corset and legbraces so that they are not combined.
There are several options.

Full, stiff body restraints I haven’t had since the last report.
Today I have legbraces that are attached to each other. I don’t have a rigid metal / leather corset so I can work behind my desk almost normally.
The immobility of the legs can get used to quickly, the big problem comes when the corset is attached to them but now that is not the case.

I sit in my chair and basically I can get up to stand. The problem and the biggest limitation is that if I straighten my legs, the knee locks snap shut so that my feet stay straight, meaning I can’t sit after the guard releases the locks.

Since I’m here alone, I can’t know exactly when the guard will come here, so I don’t want to take the risk of standing here for long. Basically, then there is also the danger that I would fall and I don’t want to take that risk.

I sit in my office chair. It’s rotating so it’s easy to sit on and then turn my legs under the table.
The chair is much more comfortable to sit on than a wheelchair (I hate wheelchairs).

I didn’t have any braces or related for many days. Today I have leg braces.
There is no actual formula for when I wear them. At least I haven't figured it out yet.

Anyway, today was the first unhurried day so maybe that's why it's time to go back to using them again, I don't know.
Maybe tomorrow I won't wear any of them ...

The use of braces etc does not change my basic rules of using restraints.
So I still have legcuffs to which the floor chain is attached. It’s a little amusing and pointless but the rules are the rules.
The use of handcuffs is also in accordance with the rules.

Outdoors today, I sat in a wheelchair.

Hello

In my last O-session, I had full body restraints for a longer period of time, even at night.
So it is possible. It does add a lot of guard work and inconvenience to everyone but as I said, it is possible.

Immobility is a major challenge for muscles and joints. They are created to move and it causes problems that are difficult to deal with mentally as well.
Body functions and other practical matters are also all difficult to take care of. It is difficult, painful and also very humiliating.

Basically, those things are the same as, for example, a person who is completely paralyzed.
Of course, they are also moved and turned, they don’t lie still all the time (hopefully).
I can understand the frustration and humiliation they are experiencing.
But still, they can go on with their lives for a very long time and create new ways to bring themselves up.
It is interesting. I have always been interested in how the mind reacts to strong limitations.

I don’t think my full body restraints are used for long periods of time continuously.
It would cause permanent changes in my body and musculature, etc.

However .... because I am me, it’s an interesting idea ... but maybe just on a thought level.

When this “Full body restraints” was done, a plaster model of my body was first made. To do this, plaster molds were made, they were tightly around me and then cut off so that the model could be made with them.
So I have experience of how it feels. It feels like a very heavy material.
I have no experience with long-term use of plaster.
My “full body restraints” do the same thing but it also has joints that can give movement if desired.
Body maintenance and body functions are also "easier" than the plaster version in the long run.

There is hot weather here at the moment, a real summer which is a bit unusual here in Scandinavia.
Today it will be as high as 33 degrees Celsius, it has been going on for almost a week and will continue for another week.

Midsummer is the end of the month. Normally then it is cold and rainy weather even if the people celebrating wish for something else

It's also summer vacation time here. Very many people are on vacation this month or next. Several workers start their holidays from midsummer.
So do my guards. I do not know (of course) the details, but the members of the Committee take turns and do the work of the guards during that time.
... maybe I should not say, but I fear embarrassment when routines change even though they of course are trying their best.

We had a meeting on Saturday in my outdoor area, I met a representative of the Committee.
It was nice, there was a table in the shade in my area and we ate and talked casually. It was very pleasant.
He asked me to be patient for the time to come. They do their best, he said.

I trust them but still the upcoming changes in the routine make me nervous.
I try to be brave and take this as an adventure!