The first day of the year is bright and sunny, temperature -5 celcius, no wind (weather report).

I was just outside and the weather is perfect and wintery. Just like nothing bad could ever happen ... a stopped world
There was a little hard snow in my walking area, about 1cm. It made a nice sound under my boots, I liked it.
The area is in such a quiet location, next to the forest that I could imagine deers behind a fence, of course I didn’t see it but I have been told there are a lot of traces of deer and other animals there.
It would be nice if a food point was made there for the animals. It would also be super great if I could see it work!

Yesterday I got a surprise that I couldn’t even think of!
My outdoor time was postponed so I wasn’t out until 6:00 PM. It was completely dark outside, of course the lights in the yard but now they were turned off when I was caught in the restraint cables .. It was very dark.
I wondered what was going on until suddenly fireworks exploded in the sky!
By law, fireworks may be used after 6:00 PM for children and special groups: Now the Committee had organized  own fireworks show for me! It wasn’t big but I think it was the finest in the world!
I saw that there were two committee members in the yard in addition to me and the guards.

Committee members had glasses of champagne in their hands and they raised  glasses for the new year.
I also had a glass of some non-alcoholic drink. The members of the committee helped me taste it. In fact, I couldn't do it because of mittens and restraints.
It was a very emotional moment for me. It was a really surprising indication that they really care about me.
We talked for a moment after the fireworks. I was so surprised I didn’t get the words out for a long time.

After the event, the members of the Committee left and I returned to my normal routine.

However, this had a big boosting effect on my self-esteem and I felt like 2022 couldn’t start better!

This year has not started well.
There has now been confusion and change in my little world that I don’t like. I even recognize some kind of panic around me.

I think one (or both) of my guards has contracted Covid-19.
I haven't seen them in over a week.
This means that they have had to be replaced by members of the Committee. The members of the committee also have their own responsibilities and day-to-day work, so this is all very difficult now.
I know it’s hard to find a replacement for them for this job. No rental work company would understand a search for "a guard in a private prison with complete secrecy."

Everyone has full protective gear and I am taken for a Corona test every day, my fever is monitored too.
It feels ridiculous because I'm fine.

All of this means that my close contact with people near me has been reduced to a minimum. and so on.
Daily activities have also been reduced, I can only go outside every three days. Even my showers have been reduced so that my human contacts are minimal.

This is a little stressful for me. I wouldn’t want to see any more protective suits, masks and visors. I want to face real, normal people!

While everything is miserable now, I believe things will get better.

I also hope my guards are all right. I am not given any exact information and it annoys me because however, they are the people closest to me in my life and I care about them.
That last one must not be misunderstood. They are close to me because of their daily routines and that’s why I’m worried about them. They are important to me but still I don’t want to say I “like” them.

Stay there all of you, my friends and followers, healthy, you are important to me!

I understand my position and situation, of course.
I'm sure I'll be taken care of. It’s mainly that I am annoyed that now people have to change their own routines because of me. It can have long-term effects.

Everything has gone well when things have worked out routinely. Now I feel that there are so many problems with me because of how things are handled. I can’t influence things and it annoys me.

This situation raises questions in my mind.
- What if the situation gets so bad that the Committee cannot take care of me?
- What if they don't want to keep me in captivity anymore?
- if the guards do not return, there will be great difficulty in maintaining prison routines.

I know that the members of the Committee are all important people with their own responsibilities and urgency in business.
They can't sit here and make sure my prison life goes smoothly.

I have already been told that if the situation does not get better, new arrangements will have to be made.
It means that in the morning I will be transferred to the daytime / working cell as always but the difference is that I have to stay there all day (08:00 AM - 21:00 PM).
In practice, that means I get meals all day in the morning that I personally dispense for the whole day.
It also means I couldn’t take toilet breaks or go out.
A bucket would be brought into the cell for my feces. Maybe it could be a modern dry toilet but still the idea scares me!

In that case, monitoring would only take place on the mobile phone's video connection during the day. I don't think that's a good idea.

The key question is what happens if the Committee finds everything too difficult to organize?

It’s easy to say I shouldn’t stress.
I’m stressed and that’s when I think too much and eventually I get my head messed up and panicked.

I know your intention was to reassure me and tell me that everything is fine.
But at the same time, you made me think of something bigger change and its different forms!

I'm institutionalized, I know. I like it when things are standard and everything works as before.
Or at least I'm told things.

Now I see that everyone is nervous, busy and even angry because things are not working.

It all affects me.

Things are better again, in a way.
After my writing yesterday, there was a discussion here with me tonight and I was clarified about something about this situation.

One of my guards has been found in Corona in some form and thus the other is also in quarantine.
The guard is in good condition, this is a relatively mild version.

However, this means that special arrangements are needed to protect me, for which the Committee may not have been fully prepared.
In a hurry and rapidly changing situation, things were not explained to me enough and it led to my overreaction and panic.

I have already had a long chat with my friend Nina today. She can calm me down and she also had time to listen to me.

Today there are some changes in my daily routines. I got my breakfast but at the same time I got food and drink all day.
That means I don’t have a hot meal but that’s not a problem, I’ll get over it.

The biggest change is that inside the cell there is now also a bucket that I should use for peeing (to poop on that I don’t agree!).

To make my case work on my own, I now have a shorter, loose leather skirt. It makes things a lot easier, with a long skirt it would be impossible to do things neatly.

Basically, this could be fun. I don’t even remember when I would have seen my own knees when fully dressed. I am so used to a long and protective leather skirt!

This is also kind of scary and I now feel lonely differently.
Before, I knew that because I was being monitored by cameras and the guards were in the house, help would be close if something happened to me.
Now I am being monitored via mobile phone from somewhere far away.

I don't know what could happen. I have crashed inside the cell twice but even then it has been a matter of various restraint experiments.
I don't think anything bad will happen now ... or maybe I'll pour a bucket when I practice peeing on it!

I don't know the 5-4-3-2-1 method ... maybe Nina knows something about it.

I’m happy to have friends like Nina (of course others are important too).
She knows how to listen to me and present the right thoughts to me, she kind of steers me in the right direction.
I trust her because I think she has no dominant thoughts about me. She wants to understand and listen me.

You mentioned people who don’t want to burden health care with potential accidents (and other illnesses).
I understand that idea very well.

It’s not related to this but I was wondering if I got sick, what would be the practice for me?
In principle, I and the Committee are committed to keeping me under strict control at all times ... how would that work in a busy hospital?
... another stress issue for me to think about!

I had a guest right this morning, it was nice.
Nina came to visit me, she has been a little worried about my diary writings and she came to discuss and make sure I am all right.
It was nice that the Committee allowed this even though, in principle, quarantine still exists.

Nina had come here even though there was a creepy driving outside, she said. There was a lot of snow at night and not all roads were in good condition yet. She doesn’t like to drive in slippery winter conditions but still she came here. I appreciate it.
In fact, this was the first time she had come here driving herself. Before she was transported here so that she did not know where she was. Now she knows the location.

It says that the Committee also trusts him. I have trusted for a long time.

So I sat fastened in my chair, the box locked around me.
I had a breathing mask and also a ridiculous visor mask, I felt like I was sitting in it with a transparent bucket on my head!

Nina also had a mask and visor even though our distance was more than three meters.
Nina looked good, I noticed that she has also started wearing leather clothes. Maybe she had used them before but I hadn’t seen it.
She wore black, loose leather pants, very casual as might expect, decent winter boots. She also had a light cardigan.
I could imagine her looking good and convincing when she sits at a psychiatrist’s office and talks to her clients. Dignity, matter-of-factness and trust are reflected in her in a good way.

She is also a very modern woman. She drives an electric car. Actually, it's her work car. She said he was scared to go on a long drive in bad weather because she did not trust that the car had enough electric capacity to get there.
She prepared for the trip with warm clothes and even a thermos with hot coffee! So she could wait for the tow truck calmly. She normally only moves in the capital area and now this trip is like a big adventure for her (the distance is less than 100 km).
I was amused that he was preparing for an Arctic trip even though the journey is so short. But wisdom is never a bad thing.

I felt good to see her and it was nice to talk freely about all things, even her car ride.

Nina said she wanted to come visit so she could see that I was all right during this difficult time. The Committee had also recommended it.
My writing and other behavior had given cause for concern.

I think everything is fine, basically. I understand these special arrangements and know that everything will be restored when possible.
Maybe I’ve been a little down-to-earth but I think a lot of people around the world are in the same position.
I have everything secured and I don’t have to worry about it ... maybe I’m so empathetic that I’m depressed because of the rest of the world.
In fact, after all my safety measures, I am certainly the only person in the world who does not suffer from Covid-19!

It was very invigorating to meet the wise and listening Nina who got my thoughts back on track!
I haven't contacted her yet but I think she's already got back to his office