It is true that permanent restraints make many things difficult.
The committee's original idea was that I would have a permanent ankle, and wrist parts, maybe also a waist and neck. They could be connected with chains and locks.
Basically it wouldn't make it difficult for me to get dressed, a permanent belt would maybe be a problem (using a corset).
The same parts could be used versatilely for different attachments, including ridig bars.

Heavy Steelbals combined with chains would be effective, but now I'm almost always attached at least to the wall and the floor with chains that limit my movement. Or the chains are held by a guard. I don't reject this idea either, it was a new experience.

my outfit... My clothes, uniform, are defined in the contract we signed.
They cannot be "humiliating", they must be such that I can feel myself worthy.
They can be restrictive like a corset, a tight shirt, etc. I accept them perfectly because they give me a sense of security at the same time. I also like my long leather skirt even though it's not practical at all.

I want that even with all the restrictions I feel like a decent person.

Orgasm sessions and everything related to it are a completely different matter.
Although sexual experiences and things are very important to me, I want them to be somehow separated from my normal everyday life as a max security prisoner.

I had a visitor here on Saturday. After the meal and outdoor time, I was transferred directly to the meeting room.

My outdoor coat was taken off but my mittens remained on my hands.
I sat in my chair and the waist chain and collar were attached to the chair with a chain. The chain of the collar was surprisingly long, so I could move a little and lean forward.
I had handcuffs on my wrists, the cuffs locked over the leather mittens. There was a fixed bar between the cuffs, the bar had an attachment point in the middle and they were attached to the table. My legcuffs hobble were attached under the chair.
I was nervous because I didn't know what it was about, why was this visit organized?
Thousands of versions were in my mind. I asked Ilona, who was sitting opposite me, on the other side of the table. a male guard was standing somewhere behind me.
Ilona said that there is no need for me to worry, the only important thing is that I behave well and answer the questions matter-of-factly.

We sat in silence, Ilona said that there is no need to talk more about it now. We had to wait.
Finally, the side door opened and another member of the committee entered, followed by a strange man, last came a female security guard and she closed the door.
The man looked at me from a distance, and I looked at him. I couldn't help it because I was chained to the table and chair.
I could see that the man was nervous, maybe even more nervous than me.
The man looked at me and gave me a nod in greeting.

The man had a briefcase with him, he gave it to the guard who brought it in front of Ilona, on the table. Then the guard opened the cell compartment door and all three entered the door. The door closed behind them.

I didn't like the fact that a stranger entered my personal space. Why did he go there... to do what?
My mind was troubled.
Although there is nothing personal inside the cells because of the rules and fire safety, I still think that it is my space. A space where I live and am safe.

They weren't inside long when the door locks opened again and they stepped back into the room where I was.

Ilona got up from the chair and showed the man that he can sit opposite me, on the other side of the table.
The man sat down, he even seemed a little shy and timid. He gave me a weak smile.
"I don't know how to address you," he said, "do I call you prisoner or do I use the name Miisa?"
"It's up to you" I said quietly "If I can choose, Miisa is good".
It's a simple rule of conduct, if he calls me prisoner, I must call him Sir... but if he uses my own name, the conversation may be easier. I didn't tell him that though.
"Ok, I'll use your name" he smiled, he also introduced himself.
He said that he is an investigating official who is interested in my past and wants to ask additional questions.

He opened his briefcase and took out a laptop. He put the laptop on the table. At the same moment, the security guard came and checked that the laptop camera was taped off.
"Your privacy is very strict here," the man told me.

The knowledge that he is an investigating officer surprised me, I had expected some other kind of guest.

"First I need to make sure I'm talking to the right person" he said formally "I have copies of your ID and other materials. They seem to match".
"You also have a prisoner tattoo but in this case its value is questionable" he explained "It could have been done by anyone".
"I'll ask you a few more questions, just to be sure" he looked me in the eyes.
"Can you remember what color door was in your grandmother's house, the one you often visited as a child?"
"Gray blue" I said immediately, I remembered it well.
"Do you remember the dog that had an accident at grandma's house?"
"I remember, the name was "Peni". A black and white kind dog that a car ran over".
I liked that dog but it died. It is well in my memory.
He also asked other questions about my past. Simple questions that only I knew the answer to.

"Good" he said "I think I can be sure of your identity now".
I might have to explain why I'm here now" the man said seriously.
"We know your story and your past" he said "we have been following you for a decade and we are sorry for what has happened to you".
"We have read all the reports and now we know that you have done your best to be believed" he said seriously "You were not believed because the time and politics were different"
I couldn't say what I was thinking, I was completely speechless. When I was in danger and tried to get help, nobody believed me.. I was accused of racism when I tried to convince that the Russians were doing wrong in Finland.
No one else helped me but the people I still trust, my Committee.

"You had a lot of contact with Russians during that time" the man looked at me "I would like you to try to remember everything you saw and heard at the parties and events you were involved in".
"I've already told everything in the police interrogations" I said quietly.
"Most of the information you told has been lost, or it hasn't even been recorded because you couldn't be believed" the man said and looked at me.
I let out a silent cry, many unpleasant memories came to my mind that had already been almost forgotten.
I tried to move my arms but it was useless, I tried to lean forward but the collar chain stopped me. I couldn't even move my legs!
"Could her restraints be opened?" the visitor asked.
"Absolutely not" said Ilona, She came next to me and wiped my tears with a handkerchief.
"That's fine" I said "Could I have some water?"
Ilona let me drink water from a glass, she was holding a glass in her hand and a handkerchief under it. She was very caring.

"I want you to tell me about the land and real estate transactions that the Russians made in Finland during that time," the man said firmly.
"Furthermore, I want to know who the people were at the parties and meetings during that time. Also foreigners and Finns who did business with the Russians".
"I don't want to remember those things anymore" I said quietly "I've been promised that I don't have to say anything anymore!"
The man opened his laptop and turned it towards me.
"Look at these photos and say when you recognize the people in them," the man demanded.
On the screen, pictures changed from individual faces to group pictures, etc. Lots of pictures, lots of faces from my past... and my nightmares.
I looked pleadingly at Ilona, she closed the laptop cover decisively.
"No more questions" She said firmly.
"We also want to know what happened at the private bdsm parties that were held frequently" the man was strict "We know that there has been violence and torture, people have disappeared and even died. It is your duty to tell everything you know!"
"I tried to tell but no one believed me!" I screamed, I was angry "I was treated like some insane lunatic for trying to tell what I know!"

"The conversation is over" Ilona said and showed the guards to escort the man out:
"This doesn't end here," the man said with enhanced calm, "These things must be resolved as quickly as possible so that we can react to the actions of the Russians."

I couldn't believe what I heard!
I had tried to tell about things several times, but no one listened... and now I would suddenly be busy with these important things.

After the meeting, I had a little chat with Ilona. I was very shocked by what happened.
Ilona said that we need to think about things when we have calmed down a bit. I'm still waiting to calm down... I went back many years towards the depths!

The war in Ukraine has changed, At the moment the Russians are losing. It makes me very happy!
It doesn't affect my security level here, it's still at a high level.

The committee is still figuring out how they made such a big miscalculation that what happened last weekend happened.

The worst possible consequence of all this is that I have to find a new place. The committee is thinking about it.
This prison may not be safe anymore even though that official had agreed to be transported here (and away) in a closed van and blindfolded.

However, they had "found" a member of the Committee who had then organized our unpleasant meeting.
The Committee doesn't tell me who this member was, it doesn't even matter in principle, but that way I could  hate only one person, not the whole Committee... "hate" is of course a strong word, anyone can make mistakes, but I don't like my life being played with.
In any case, all this may lead to some changes in my life.

It seems that I (and the Committee) have to agree to yet another meeting/hearing.
We are trying to organize it in a safe place somewhere. We don't want the publicity that would come if I had to go to a place they ordered.

I have also received an inquiry from a newspaper / news reporter.
They ask for background information and request a possible interview from me. I have no need to answer them. They can read it here.
I don't need publicity, maybe my case would have needed it at that time, but no one wanted to hear me then.

maybe I could give an email interview about my need for limited life, restraints/bondage and sexual experiences and fetishes. But I think that would be too much for normal media...

After all, this whole mess is my fault.
If there was no Forum, diary and CaptiveGirl Lifestory, no one would know about me and the things I experienced.
Then everything would be fine and calm.

But I have constantly written and told that I know things that have been tried to be kept secret. Shocking things that no one is interested in.

I have caused instability in my environment with my actions.
The Committee is nervous, I have been told that one member of the Committee may want to end his membership. I don't know how it affects my daily life.
Maybe there will be a new member in the Committee to replace him... or will the Committee continue with four members? I do not know.

Maybe this is the start of some kind of "snowball effect" that grows as it spins and eventually destroys the entire system...
Even now I see "and feel" how nervous my guards are. This also affects them, without this organization they will have to quit this job and thus also lose their nice apartment and comfortable life here.

I feel very sad for everyone.

Two members of the Committee met with me last night.
They said that everything will continue as is now, there is no reason to change the practical routines. There will be no changes to my basic right (web use)... the damage has already been done.
I am not punished, but my security level is still raised so that I feel the physical restrictions every moment. It's been like that before, but it's still being raised.
So that I remember what I am. Heavily restricted, lifetime prisoner. A prisoner who feels protected and secured at every moment.

Last edited by Miisa Karlsson (2022-09-15 09:38:44)

I went to interrogations as the committee's lawyer recommended.

It didn't go well. All in all, it was a horrible experience, it brought to my mind a lot of nasty things.
Even the fact that I had to face strangers in a strange place without any kind of restraints made me very insecure and uncomfortable.
I didn't even have my normal steel collar!

Ilona was with me in hearing. The authorities tried to get me alone in the same room with them, but Ilona refused. She was by my side all the time.

Nina was also on the car trip there and back. She did not enter the official building, she waited with the guards by car in the parking garage.
She and her tranquility were a lot of help to me.
Ilona tried to be very careful that the interrogators did not injure or force me too much. She was there as my friend because this was not an official interrogation and I was not accused of anything, I didn't need a lawyer.

The discussion did not go well because we announced that I would not reveal the names that were involved in the events I witness.

I was able to tell something about Russian soldiers who were/were infiltrated by Finnish society over the years.

I was amazed when I noticed that there was new information for them too.
I told you that I was there when Yuri's house had meetings for "military pyramid triangle" leaders.
At their meetings, there were about 30 "leaders" who were located from all over Finland. They had 30 lower people and then again about 30 more, etc.
Thus, there were thousands of Russian soldiers in Finland who were trained to act in advance in pre -war situations.
They are like "normal" immigrants who live and work in Finland.
They are construction workers, a truck drivers and many other professions, including at the management level of corporate management.

I also know something about the land areas that Russians own, but that information is also found in official registers, my knowledge may already be outdated. I also know Finnish and foreign people who officially "own" land, but it is a fact that it is Russian property.

It was really strange that Finnish officials were not aware of all this.
Then, more than a decade ago, I tried to tell them about this, but then I was told that I could be punished for sharing false information.
Ironically, then I was even threatened with imprisonment if I continue to tell "wrong information" about the actions of Russian...

The authorities were now very interested in my information about that issue.

About BDSM partys they were only interested in who the Finns and others had been there and as guests.
They were not interested in all the violence, torture and horror that forced girls had to experience there ...

It angry me and finally made me silent, I didn't want to say anything if the whole whole was not heard.

I did not reveal any of the names of the participants, neither Finns nor foreign.
They stay secret because I think this information is a guarantee of my safety. They will be revealed if something happens to me or to my loved ones.

Thank you for understanding me.
I have to specify that I was secured in the normal way all the trips by car. My restraints were only opened in the parking garage and locked again as soon as I was in the car.
There was a metal detector at the door of the office building, so I couldn't even have any equipment under my clothes.

We didn't want to arouse any interest while we were in the building (I don't want that anyway). Ilona stayed close to me the whole time, even holding onto my hand/arm whenever possible.

I felt like everyone in the building knew how I lived. I thought I could see it from the way people looked at me, even though I knew it was impossible.
When I told Ilona my thoughts, she laughed and said that I was imagining things.
She said that the only thing people can think about us is that we are maybe a lesbian couple who likes to wear leather and want to be close to each other
It was a fun thought and it made me relax a bit.

I also noticed again how dependent I am on my restraints and chains.
I felt like I couldn't walk when I couldn't hear my hobble chain and didn't feel its limitations. I felt like I was stumbling without their protection! It was the same thing with the hands. Ilona told me that I don't have to hold my hands so that the wrists are close in front of me.

At one point we walked close to a door that had to be opened, I just stood in front of the door and held my hands as if they were chained. I didn't even think I could open it myself!
It can also see from my slow walk and its style that I'm used to life in chains, Ilona said.

Thank you for allowing me to PM you, I do that

You're not the only one who thinks I've acted stupidly. I have received some private messages and emails whose authors think the same.

They think I should be punished. They want stricter control and physical punishments for me. They want punishments and additions to my daily life so that they remind me every moment that I am a maximum security prisoner under strict control.
You can believe me that I am aware of it every moment already.

But there are also people who think my life is too strict. They understand that I have to be a tightly controlled prisoner, but they would like to make it "softer".

In order for me to remember my position here, a bigger cage has now been moved to my daytime cell. I spend up to 6 hours a day there, chained in different ways.
The cage is basically movable, it has wheels underneath, but now it's firmly bolted to the corner of my cell.
I think it's an addition that gives me security.
Yesterday I was in a cage with a chain coming from my collar that went through the top of the cage and came down to my shackled hands behind my back.
I could be on my knees or even sit so that if I wanted to bend forward I had to raise my arms up towards the ceiling. In the long run it is very painful and frustrating. I remember my position in it every moment.
I even had to eat/drink and empty myself in that state. It was very humiliating!