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Diary

Posts 151 to 180 of 1245

151

I met my friend yesterday, it was nice.
The Committee respected her wishes and did not mix the O - session with the meeting.
I sat behind my table, as always. I was locked in the chair and my hands were on the table with handcuffs that were attached to the table.
She sat ahead of me a bit farther, its normal practice. She could not touch me.
Sometimes it was possible that she has taken care of my hands, manicure done etc, but now was not so.

My cages were in the same room, they were covered but my friend wanted to look at them. She was curious because she had read my diary.
She was not terrified and said nothing negative, she only wanted to see them. The guard let her look at them.
After that, the matter had been completed. She did not ask for any cage related.
We talked about many things again. She keeps it funny how interested I am "normal" things in life. I want to hear what it is like to go shopping and in cafes, how to go to work, etc. everyday things. They are extreme to me.
The hour is always a short time and again many things have not been said. She had to leave,  guard escorted her out. and I was left alone to sit.

Finally, two members of the Committee came into the room.
They greeted me formally, and I formally replied.
They took me out of the chair and pulled it away. The handcuffs were still locked to the table. I was standing next to the table.
The table is a little low, it is difficult to stand the wrists locked to the table. The position was uncomfortable.
"wait here" the man said "we will come back".
They left the room.
I was wondering. What is happening?
Nothing happened for a long time. The situation was really awkward. I could not completely straighten myself.
I tried to kneel down so that my knee would hit the floor but it did not succeed. The table was at a hell of a height. My corset and shoulder straps did not make it easier.
I tried to sit on the table, but that was also impossible.
It was a simple effective torture.
Eventually, after a very long time, the men came back. The other guy had a bag with him.
They took the chairs and sat in front of me.
"Pain?" the man asked and looked at me calmly.
"Sir ... this is not a good posture" I said "I would be glad if I could be unlocked from this table".
"I can believe it" the man replied "but unfortunately this is your position today".
I was already so tired of the awkward position that I began to cry.
"Calm down, you now need to focus on" the man said, "we have inform to you".
"You already have a fitness program that you have complied nicely. Now we add a new element to it: Bondage Fitness Program!" The man said proud.
"It basically means that you will be placed extra bondage 3 times a week. During the Bondage session you have to move and perform certain tasks. You remember, for example, Hogtied Race- event?"
I remember Hogtied Race. It is related to my unpleasant past. Or actually at that time everything was fine.
Then my "love of my life" organized events where affluent businessmen met beautiful women. High-level Fetish and Bondage events.
I already mentioned a diary at a "hunting party" where girls were hunted with paint ball-guns.
There were also other activities, one of them was Hogtied Race.
That's a group of women hogtied, all exactly the same way. They had to go a certain distance (eg 10 meters) as fast as possible. Men had betting and other fun.
Some women did not know how to move, but some were very skilled at it. They knew how to use abdominal muscles and pelvic movement. They were sporty fast.
I was "at a higher level", I was a companion of the event leader, I did not participate in the competitions. I was not like other girls.
I then admired some girls, they were strong. I understand that bondage training can be a tough sport.
"This practice starts right next week We are initially present but then the responsibility goes to the guards."
It's a big change. In practice, the guards have not made a bondage with me. It has always been the task of the Committee. I am a little concerned about it.
Man put latex gloves on hand. another man took my skirt up and dropped my panties on the ankles.
"Now a little quick session so you get your thoughts elsewhere" The man moved the chair to my side and sat there. He fingered me.
"Well, I can see that you like the bondage training idea" he laughed, I was wet.
The other man took me behind and pressed me to the table. my butt was upright. He gave strong hand slaps to my buttocks. I was hot. Meanwhile, another fingering me and using a massager.
All of that combination, Waiting, difficult position, talk of the future, physical processing ... Orgasm came surprisingly quickly.

Finally everything was over.
The men collected the goods and left the room.
I was alone again.
I still had a difficult position, locked to the table, my skirt was up, panties somewhere legcuffs, my inner thighs were wet.
I wanted to rest but I had to wait.
In the end, the guards came and I was ready for bedtime routines.

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152

Today was the first physical bondage training, it was a strange experience.
Usually, my mind works so that when I'm tied / locked, etc. I do my best to adapt to the situation, so I do not fight or try to get rid of it because it's useless.
This idea is that strictly bound and limited physical performances are made and thus burdened with body parts that are not otherwise used. In principle, it's a wonderful idea, its amazing that no fitness centers has come up with this idea.
The "bad thing" is that I easily excited about the bondage and the sessions usually end up being satisfied. In this case, the training it does not end that way. At least not today. I still have a lot to learn with my mind.

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153

facebook banned me ...
The reason was the picture that was in my group.
I'll put a picture here so you can think if the decision was right.

http://imgbox.com/R45S1Z3G

I do not see in this picture sexual activity, nipples or anything else forbidden,but the decision is theirs.

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154

Product photos!
The first pictures have been released and they are awesome!
The model is international, professional and well-known. Everything sees that she knows her work.
... and the products are beautiful too.

http://bep.pic.fi/gallery/MALLI+ja+MUOT … Nr.1+2018/

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155

I founded a new photo blog.
I download pictures there as soon as it starts working properly.

http://captivegirl.bdsmlr.com/

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156

I had an interesting exchange of letters  with a one person.
This person works in prison, he has worked for a long time in several prisons, men and women in institutions.
He did not want to say where he works, not even in the country.
He likes the idea that some prisons would be small, private and cheap to maintain.
We've been talking mostly about max security prisons.
For dangerous and long-time prisoners. About women and men (women are more dangerous, he says).
Prisoners who are not trying to cure. The prison would be a clear place to store.
Today, the prisoners have a lot of rights and it has led to the fact that there are places where can say that "the prisoners are leaders".

He would like to go back so that the prison would be a scary place. Right punishment which you will suffer.
He thinks the small units are effective. The prisoners are not in contact with others and thus no gangs or problems arise.
As an example, he regards my arrangement as a good one. Though he does not understand my freedom on the web.

Insulation, some permanent restraints. Well-established practices and strict rules are things that he thinks are effective.
He has calculated that effectively designed, for example, ten prisoners unit would be very cost-effective.
In a small unit, it would be easy to control the prisoners and they would never meet each other.
In principle, the prisoner did not even know who the others are.
It would bring security, is his opinion.
Some Russian Max Sec prisons it is possible, and they are big institutions.

The normal jail costs here 240 ˆ a day / prisoner. 88 000 ˆ / year.
Ten prisoners total 880,000 ˆ.
He has calculated that in the long run the cost could be halved.

I'm interested.
My life is already like a pilot experiment in a private prison. Could it grow?

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157

Today was again the "Bondage training" day.
It is hard, I had not yet recovered from the previous, and now it was again the same.
It also causes changes to my day rhythm and I find it difficult to handle it.
It is clear that I am strong "institutionalized". I am acclimatized to it that the same things are repeated continuously every day.
Now the rhythm is broken because this exercise is every other day.
But on the other hand, if this becomes permanent, I will also become accustomed to this.
It also affects my work schedules but it is not a big problem.
Physical training is hard. my daily, normal morning exercise is mainly light stretching but Bondage Training will change everything.
Now, we are focusing on the Hogtied Race / Run type training and I can say that two times after that it is not going very well.
When I think of the girls who were good at it, I respect them more and more. In fact, their performance also had other incentives, but still.
in those competitions the winner was awarded and the loser was penalized.

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158

I would think that this would be very hard on one’s diaphragm if prolonged or exerted too much.

I’ve read that a day’s pressure on the diaphragm is almost always fatal (so that, for example, making people face a pole with their wrists bound in front of it will kill them as their muscles tire and they fall backwards with their diaphragm against the pole.)

Not to be macabre or gloomy, but worried about too much hogtying face downwards.

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159

RenegadeSpirit wrote
"I would think that this would be very hard on one’s diaphragm if prolonged or exerted too much.

I’ve read that a day’s pressure on the diaphragm is almost always fatal (so that, for example, making people face a pole with their wrists bound in front of it will kill them as their muscles tire and they fall backwards with their diaphragm against the pole.)

Not to be macabre or gloomy, but worried about too much hogtying face downwards."

Idea is short-term but effective limitation / binding.
Hogtied time is perhaps about 30 to 45 minutes. It does not damage nerves or muscles,
It's about exercising muscles that I do not otherwise use.

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160

An interesting finding

https://www.theatlantic.com/photo/2018/ … fe/576652/

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161

Today is the Finnish Independence Day.
I have promised that I will not talk about politics but I am displeased.
Now would be the time to celebrate but I'm sad.
Politicians in Finland have destroyed this country. They do not think of the best in Finland.
My family has been proud of the war veterans who fought for this country. Now all their work and sacrifices are given away. It is wrong.
Finland should belong to Finns.

Sorry. I will not talk more about this.

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162

I'm sorry the previous outburst.
But I do not take my words out.

Today is Friday, I'm happy about it.
That means I have a two-day break in "Bondage Fitness".
It is hard, maybe the reason is that my base fitness is poor.
But it's getting better all the time.
I am grateful for the principle that the exercise is hard and disciplined.
Otherwise it would not work.
I also have to change my thoughts ... all bondage does not end to sexual satisfaction, it's important to learn.
But the prize would be nice even sometime ....

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163

I added the fourth chapter CAPTIVEGIRL LIFESTORY.
It is quite long (two parts), I'm sorry about that.
It tells my first experiment on a controlled life and about the fetish event that was the first to me.

I hope someone will be able to read it.

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164

a new version of the design!

http://bep.pic.fi/gallery/Handmade+Prod … allion.JPG

http://bep.pic.fi/gallery/Handmade+Prod … allion.JPG

I am so proud that I can be part of this, even a little!

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165

New photos of collars!

http://bep.pic.fi/gallery/Handmade+Prod … on+594.JPG

http://bep.pic.fi/gallery/Handmade+Prod … on+576.JPG

http://bep.pic.fi/gallery/Handmade+Prod … on+624.JPG

:)

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166

Nice Saturday here.
At this time of year is not a hurry, not a lot of urgent work.
I was already out today. Snow is not yet visible but everyone's waiting for a white Christmas. :)

I have a "relaxed" weekend. No extra fitness training for two days.
That's awesome!
My "Hogtied Run" has made progress. now I can probably get 3-4 meters ahead with small breaks. But I'm slow.
I was told that maybe electric shocks encourage me faster. I think it's just talk.
Yesterday was also tried "dwarf walking". There my ankles are chained to my neck collar so that i can not get my legs straight.
I can sit well with my legs folded but walking is very difficult. I have to go low and my hands can not hit the ground.
It hurts my thigh muscles very much. It also affects the stomach and abdominal muscles.
But now I just enjoy the rest.

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167

Here is snow now!
... or at least a watery, heavy snow like that. But the ground is white now. It gives a little more light and cheers me.
Fortunately, my walking area is clean of wetty snow, I do not have to worry that my boots will get wet. It would be unpleasant to be wet feet all day.

My exercise workout continues. Now that the exercise has changed, I have difficulty adjusting to it again.
Forcing and pain are things that I understand very well the sexual sense, but if the prize is only that it "sometimes I might be stronger," it does not motivate me.
My "sexual rotation" is now confused, it is difficult to explain.
Before this "workout" time my life was very stable.
Then I knew what was going on and knew that when I could allow myself to get sexually excited.
I can not do anything to myself.
I have been "constructed" so that I have be excited certain things, such as limitations, pain, forcing, humiliation, etc.
Now those elements have been added a lot to my life but I can not get sexually satisfying after that.
It is frustrating. I could take the orgasm after each exercise but it is not possible.
Now we are only halfway through the month, I have a long way to the next O-session ...

Besides, my thighs are like a fire. Forced "dwarf walking" is not easy sport.

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168

Thursday
I have to refine my last post.
When I'm sexually excited more often, it may not be a bad thing.
Basically, I have already learned to like it even though I know that I can not get the final satisfaction than rarely.

This is also a kind of challenge in my life now.
I enjoy excitement during exercise, but I also like to control my mind after that.
I know ... it sounds strange and it can be difficult to understand an outsider.
It gives me strength, I can control myself and it feels great (sometimes it may be weak moments).

Similarly, normal people in normal life do not always get everything what they want/need.

Christmas is already very close.
Some have wondered what my Christmas is like.
It does not differ from normal day routines. Now I can not tell if I have a physical exercise during that time. It has not been said.
Basically that might be because I do not want the routines to change. Routines give order to life.

Perhaps a bit something special "Christmas food" but no great change to the ordinary.
My friend does not have time to visit here at Christmas, their family spend Christmas elsewhere. She'll come when it's over.
My brother will visit here at some point, I'll wait for it.
Daily work routines I also have at Christmas, my "normal life colleagues" are free so I do something about their work. It is nice.

I know that some of my friends and fans have sent Christmas presents to me, it's a beautiful idea but a bit futile. I do not need anything.
It may be that I never even see these gifts, at least I can not keep them.
Give gifts to each other, to the people you love. It is my wish.

ohh ... I almost forgot!
New pictures are coming again.
I will put a link to you as soon as I know more!

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169

170

Christmas is over, it's a good thing.
No matter how I tried not to think about it, it's a little hard time for me.
Media, news and everything else are trying to tell you that Christmas is a time of peace and love.
It's a beautiful idea, but the Christmas of all people is not that way.
There are also people who are not happy.
They have hunger, no friends, they can also be sick and under violence ... many nasty things.

Maybe I had too much time to think about things, it's not a good thing.
I'll be angry and frustrated.
I have been a prisoner for more than ten years. It means ten limited Christmas times. I should be used to this.
It is true that everything was easier at first, as if I was part of the community. Prison practices were lighter and I had people around.
Then I could feel that I was being cared and maybe also loved.
After max security and guard arrangement I have become an object.
I am the object being treated like a dog or a horse / pony.
Always according to a predetermined routine.
I understand it and I do not complain about it. I adapt to it because it is part of my life, Some of which I cannot change.
Basically it would have been good if I had a training program also during Christmas. It could have been harder than usual. Then I wouldn't have thought too much.
But Christmas is also a light time for the guards, so I understand that their work cannot be increased during the celebration.
They're in the building, I'm under surveillance with cameras, and they come here many times a day because of my routine.

So I am not alone even though I sometimes feel that way.

My brother visited here. It was nice even though I see it difficult for him.
He is a bit negative in many of my affairs.
He does not want to understand security rules and practices. He doesn't understand why he can't bring me anything, not even a small gift, etc.
He does not understand my restraints and limitations.
I told him I didn't want to hear his complaint. They are all my life and because I have adapted to it, it would be the biggest gift that he also tries to adjust itself to them.
This is the reason why I like my female friend visits.
She never talks about those things, she sees them as a natural part of my life. She can even joke about them to me.
I look forward to her next visit.
In any case, my family ... mother, father and all others can do well. Also the brother's family. Children grow up, etc.
I can not help it that I'm worried about my loved ones.
I also mess up their lives when I made mistakes in my life. I put them at risk and worry.
It is good to hear that everything is fine, I no longer cause problems.

:)

New Year is coming!
This year has taken place in my small world many great things, I'm happy about it.
I have a lot of friends around the world, some like to contact a lot through the web, some less. Everything is important to me, Thanks!

I am also got opportunities to new things, designing, and much more.
I am very grateful to the people who trust me and give me opportunities.
A few more days of this "old year" and then we can move to 2019!

Thank you all and great New Year 2019!

I wrote this now even though I think I write something more before the end of the year ...

:)

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171

Now is the last weekend of the year.
It is quite certain that now is not my O-session weekend.
I am a little disappointed. I really knew it because I realized that most of the members of the Committee were somewhere else. They are already celebrating the New Year somewhere. I still waited and hoped, even though it was useless.

But it does not matter, next weekend is coming ...
maybe then I can get what i want.

I have designed some new products :)
They have not yet been approved by the manufacturer. Sometimes my designs are difficult to make real, I understand it.
Even the manufacturer has to rest sometimes, I have to remember it too.

When living inside here like me, sometimes I can forget the normal realities of life.
I have learned a very great deal of patience, but then, in some cases, I get excited too much and forget that normal people are also ordinary life.

Blind Eye Production has released a few new pictures.
They are not leather products but I will show them to you however.
The photo model is new and talented. The photographer is good at finding new talented performers!

http://bep.pic.fi/gallery/MALLI+ja+MUOT … a+Belt.JPG
http://bep.pic.fi/gallery/MALLI+ja+MUOT … na+Bar.JPG

http://bep.pic.fi/gallery/Handmade+Products/

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172

New Year's Eve 2018.
I got a surprise today.
I was told that I can get out to see the fireworks! Maybe, but still. It feels great!
The problem is that I see little in my outdoor area, I can only see the fence and the forest far away ... I think there is no big show for viewing :)
Another thing is that next night there will be a big blizzard and a hard wind. It would be interesting to see, usually I'm outside only when the weather is good. It would be a great adventure!

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173

Year 2019

I did not see the fireworks, but it does not bother me.

Outside was horrible weather. There was no snowstorm as I thought but the water was raining and it was ugly. Not a beautiful winter.
The actual storm is coming maybe today evening / night.

I was happy that I had a normal routine and I was in my warm bed.

Today I did not have outdoor time, I'm happy about it.

One of my friend asked that I would help him.
He is a great enthusiast and collector prison experience.
He has written some reports of his own experiences and thoughts (in his own language).
Now he would like me to translate them in English.
Everything here knows that my English is not good and it's poor. He still wants me to do it.
I am already helped him a little bit, and it's been interesting. We have a lot of the same ideas.
His reports and experiences are very interesting.

If I publish them here so I'm sorry in advance for my poor English.

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174

The storm has gone. Actually, it wasn't even in this area.
Here, the "storm" is always a bit different than somewhere else, here not have to worry about it, it is very mild, no anykind "hurricane".
...My life is inside the warm concrete and brick building, I'm always well secured.

I read the news, some parts of the country have had a hard wind and a lot of snow. Electricity has been lost, etc. nothing really serious. everything is fine again tomorrow.

I get a gift from the Committee, probably next weekend.
It's an exciting idea and I can't even imagine what it could be.
Because I don't need anything, I think it's related to my O-session. Some different experience maybe. They don't usually tell me in advance, but now I know that something new is coming.
The purpose is to make me wait for it, maybe a little excited about the idea. I can tell you it works ...

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175

I am now a administrator in one of Pinterest account.
One of my friends started it but he doesn't have time to do it.
I will continue his work.
It's a fun and exciting job.
We already have nearly 250,000 viewers / month!
Every day will be around one hundred new photos more!

It's a family friendly page but still there you can find beautiful things ... check it out!

http://fi.pinterest.com/miisakarlsson/

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176

Something terrible has happened.
I have told you earlier that one person terrorizing me. He sends me pressive messages. again and again.
It's not really hurt me, it's easy to remove messages.
But he also sends messages elsewhere. To addresses that are not related to me. It confuses people greatly. It's not acceptable.

Now the Committee has heard about this problem.

They can't stop that man from acting, but they can "punish" me.

My ability to write a diary is now reduced, my web usage is monitored more closely.
There are also many other things I don't like.

These new practices are valid until further notice.
If that person continues disturbing activities, my forum may be closed completely.

This is a terrible day. I feel like my hands would be cut.
I am sorry.

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177

I hope you will be allowed to continue writing here. I have very much enjoyed reading what you have to report.

I’m very sorry to hear this news.

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178

message deleted

Last edited by Miisa Karlsson (2019-01-07 11:50:50)

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179

I have received messages. Some people are worried about me and what happens to me.

I can tell you not to worry.
I am now lost some things in my life (hopefully temporarily), but I am able to live with that.
I was not "physically punish" and I'm okay. I feel well.

I lost my temper and published things I shouldn't have said.
I am sorry about that.
Messages are now deleted.

Basically, many things continue unchanged.
My daily work and writings, CaptiveGirl Lifestory and now a new report on male prisoner experiences are coming.
My design work continues in some form.

I can still send and receive private messages and emails, they are confidential and only I can see them.

The diary is "under supervision" and I have to think carefully about what I'm saying here.
I hope that this is also temporary.

Life goes on.

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180

Someone really doesn't like me.
My fb group (restrained life) was blocked. Someone complained about it.
At the same time my personal account banned.
I asked them to re-examine the group's material. fb did it and stated that the material is not against their rules.
The group is open again but I'm still banned ... fb is crazy.

So I can't talk to friends in fb.
I see all the messages but I can't answer. I am sorry.

So... that feels insulation.

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