A friend of mine wants me to help him tell about his experiences and thoughts about life in prison.

He himself does not want to write here so I'll try to tell you what I have discussed with him.
We have had a long "relationship" in these thoughts.

He has a lot of sensible (in my opinion) thoughts about a hard prisoner life and he is good at justifying them.
They are not mere thoughts, he has also gained practical experience so he knows what he  talking about.

Our first writing is a report of his visit to a new private prison.

You can find this topic in the Writing's menu

Some of my friends have asked me to write something here so people know that everything is fine.

Everything is fine.
I have had a little "dark mind" and it has been better for me not to write here any foolish thing that should be removed later.

Now the sun is shining again Literally.
I was out today and there was wonderful winter weather!
Good frost and fine sunshine.
My cheeks stinged and my breathing was visible in cold air.
Genuine Arctic Weather ... It was a very long time to be outside but it was nice to walk slowly back and forth.

My friend creates an Instagram account for his products and photos. Take a look!

http://www.instagram.com/blindeyeproduction/

There's also something about my design

My previous O session is now six weeks ago.
It's a very long time.
I don't even know when it's next time. I hope that in two weeks' time. I do not know.
Something may have happened to my sexuality.
The rhythm and schedules are mixed. My physical training caused some problems in my sexual thinking but it is not a problem now.
Maybe a person does not need sexual activity ... I know some people live for a long time without sex. Maybe their whole life.
Maybe it's just a question of attitude.
Maybe I have had withdrawal symptoms and that is why I have been troublesome.

Also the person who "haunted me" has stopped.
it was a misunderstanding where the fault was perhaps just in me. I'm sorry about that.
Now I have again spoken with him.
He was just worried about me. That's all.
I reacted too strongly.
Everything is good now.

The sun is shining again.
I was outdoors, there was great weather!

Only now I realize how much snow is here, it has been all the time but only now I thought about it.
The yard area is pristine, just my space is cleaned of snow.

The height of the snow is certainly over 1.5 meters, some places even more.
I thought it was a very effective way to prevent the escape ... and the other coming here.
I am like the inside of Alcatraz - prison. It would be impossible to escape here. A large amount of snow ensures max security.
Of course Alcatraz it is a dangerous water, not snow like here.
Someone like that could be a "Siberia version" of it.
Maximum Security Prison in the middle of snow and cold. Far from all civilization.
This is the thing which I have sometimes spoken with one of my friend (prisoner FI61-83-X). He likes that idea.

You have perhaps noticed that my mood fluctuates constantly.
It should not be worried. It's normal for me every year the same thing in the dark autumn / winter.
I have spoken about it with my psychiatrist and all is well.
... and we are going again towards the summer and light

I am sorry.
I have had a difficult time. My mood has changed and there are also other difficulties.

I haven't told you the real reason, but now I can do it.
An important person to me has fallen seriously ill.
Probably she won't see next summer.
The disease progresses slowly but surely.
She lives almost 400 km from me.
I had already thought that I could not see her any more and it was very sad and hard to think.
I was very sad and angry.
There are no choices in my lifestyle, so I didn't even think I could meet her anymore. I left my long farewell in my mind.

But the Committee surprised me.
They asked if I wanted to go on a trip where I could meet her one more time.
They said it would be a long and difficult journey for me because my rules and practices cannot be changed.
I didn't have to think for a moment, I wanted to go!

They ask it on Friday, afternoon.
After a few hours I already sat in the car and we left long-distance drive.
It is a typical activity and practice.
So I can't tell what's happening online because I don't know it in advance.
Fast decisions are communicated to me only after I am outside the web network.

When it was decided I ate and went to the toilet.
After that I got the diaper, just in case.
The drive is long, maybe six hours, and I have no chance of a toilet break.
It seemed very humiliating but but it is understandable.
In addition, I got tight long rubber pants, they were very tight and uncomfortable. I hate that feeling.
The rubber was quite thick, not thin like the beautiful latex outfits. They prevent any leakage of the diaper.
It was uncomfortable, I wasn't going to dirty the diaper. I was disappointed that they didn't trust me.
... but on the other hand, I understand that things must be ensured.

I sat in the back seat of the car.
My legcuffs chain was locked into something, it slid so I could move my legs a little. When one foot was behind, the other was able to be more in front, and so on.
The car seat had 4 - points harness for me. Like a child seat but bigger and stronger. Harness locks were behind my seat back.
I had my normal waischain.
When I sit in the seat, the normal safety belt was attached to everything and my handcuffs were locked in the waist.
I had tight leather mittens in my hands.
The waist belt of the harness seemed to me unnecessarily tight.

They told me they trusted that I would respect the rules of speech.
They reminded me and  put my ballgag hanging on the back of the front seat so I saw it all the time.
I didn't want it in my mouth so I decided not to talk.

The journey started, the driver drove and Ilona sat next to me.
Radio played nice music, it was a pity that it was already dark but I enjoyed it that it was possible to see the scenery.
They talked about common, normal things. Sometimes it was quiet. Sometimes they took me into the conversation, it was nice.

I told them that I am surprised by the fact that they suggested this trip, and do it for me.
"We are not brutal, we want you to be well and you have everything well" Ilona said "the rules and constraints in your life are strong but we can still try to make you feel good".

A few hours went well, I enjoyed the trip.
My dry diaper even seemed comfortable to sit on.
I always have panty protection in place, it's like a very small diaper but not the same thing. Actually, I understand people who want to wear a diaper ... as long as it is dry and clean.

I didn't like rubber pants, they were very tight and uncomfortable, especially when I sat stiffly and couldn't change the position.
I felt my cold sweat on my feet.
I was pleased that I had my normal long leather skirt that hid those horrible pants.
I could even smell the rubber aroma, or maybe I just imagined it.

The rigid posture tired me and I asked politely if my waist belt could adjust slightly.
She looked at me and answered briefly "It's not possible, you know it".
The conversation was over.

At some point we stopped at the gas station. The driver drove the car to a quiet location with only high snow.
He got out of the car and went somewhere, I think in the toilet. He came back and had big mug coffee in his hand.
Ilona did the same thing, she also had water for me.
We started to move again.
Ilona gave me water, I drank only a little.
"No more to me, thank you" I said "I want to stay dry".

to be continued

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I was tired and annoyed.
It was already a late day, normally I would already have evening activities and I would be in bed.
I was annoyed that I was tightly locked, my hands were tightly attached to my waist, in my lap.
Extreme tight mittens were totally too much ... what could I do when the wrists have locked steel cuffs?

I was crying.
I cried because I was tired, my position was painful. Maybe I also cried that my grandma was sick.
At the beginning of the trip I was excited to get out of my cell / prison but now I would have wanted to be back there.

I cried and I couldn't wipe my tears.
It felt awful and humiliating.
I couldn't even turn away because I had a tight harness in the seat.

Ilona noticed my suffering.
She wiped my tears, she held her hand over my thigh and calmed me down. She gave me water.
"The distance is not very long anymore," she said, "when we arrive, you will have a better feeling. But you know that safety and security are important to us".

I understand safety and security. I have adapted to them and they are normal to me.
But sometimes, like now, everything seems to me to torture and bullying.
I understand also that they are people who want to subjugate and dominate me very strongly.

That's why we have this special relationship and the way to live.
I need strict control and I accept it. I get peace and satisfaction from it.
I must also remember that they take care of me in every way.
I have to be grateful even though it is sometimes very difficult.

We turned away from the big road. The road sign indicated that the distance to the village is only 36 kilometers.
The road was very calm, there was no other traffic.
I was trying to look at the scenery but it was difficult, dark darkness surrounds us, only the car lights showed way and white snow.
I think I saw a familiar crossroads. It was the junction where the road went to the house where the grandparents lived before. It may be that I was mistaken, I have been there a long time ago ..

Finally we came to the village center.
There were houses and a few slightly bigger houses with many apartments.
There was also a shop in the village that was now closed today, some other stores were closed forever.
It was a sad and dead sight.
I was looking at bigger houses and wondering where Grandma lives.
I didn't know the exact address, I had never asked it.

We drove a few more kilometers. There was a ski resort with small cottages for rent.
We had a cottage that was behind the area, in a quiet place.

We drove next to the cottage.
He got out of the car and went into the cottage.
The key was ready at the door, I saw how the lights lit up inside, he covered all the windows with curtains.

He came back to the car and took goods and bags from the tailgate.
He took them into the cottage.
Ilona sat beside me and waited.
He came back a moment, opened my door and unlock my handcuffs "calmly now, don't move your hands" he said.
He opened my seat belt and Ilona removed the harness of my seat.
The man pressed me hard against the seat all the time.
When the belts were gone, he again locked the handcuffs in front of my waist.
He then opened the lock which held my hobblechain on the car floor.
Eventually, after many hours I can even move a little!

He turned me sideways and help my feet out of the car.
I was so stiff and numb that I couldn't do it myself.
I had feet on the ground and I leaned into the car seat. Now I began again to feel the discomfort of rubber pants.
At the same time, I felt the need for peeing.
The locked position had made me numb, I had no longer felt these things.

"This is a quiet place, no one can see us but still, don't make it difficult," he said, "We are now putting the coat on your shoulders.
I'll help you stand and then we walk together into the cottage. Slowly and peacefully ".

I understood that the coat covers all my restraints and chains. No one could see them.
If somebody looks at us, he sees the only poorly moving person that others help.
He helped me stand and patiently waited that I could walk, it was difficult.
When we reached the door of the cottage, I saw that there was a big blue sign next to the door, "an unobstructed cottage for disabled people".
I smiled, they really think everything.

to be continued

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"We've checked the security of the cottage and now we have a surprise to you," Ilona said, "we didn't talk about it before because we weren't sure it was possible".
"Now, next we'll take off your clothes and restraints. We make preparations to get you to the sauna! "

I was really surprised. It is many years since I have had the opportunity to sauna.
In Finland, almost every house has a sauna. In fact, there are over 3 million saunas here. The country has a population of less than 6 million so saunas are quite a lot.

I have never been a fanatical sauna person but this idea seemed fun even though I was already very tired.

He said that clothes and restraints are taken away.
I couldn't believe ... Can I be "free" in the sauna?

"Now we open your handcuffs and waistchain. As you know, it's very important that you don't move and that you stay calm."
The man came to my front, he stepped over my hobble chain and held his feet firmly in it. I couldn't move my legs. He opened my handcuffs. Ilona detached my waistchain and chains from my back.
Although it's a routine, it's always a catchy moment. I am for a moment freer than usual.
When  chains were gone, my shirt  could be opened. There was a problem  because I still had mittens in my hand.
"Wait" said Ilona and left the room. She came back with scissors and simply cut the shirt off of me. "This is an old shirt anyway, you get a new one".
I was wondering why the mittens could not be taken out of my hands. They were uncomfortable and I hate them. My hands forced tightly in the fist for several hours. The whole day I think.
When the shirt was gone the man grabbed my collar and helped me up.
I could not stand straight because the chain prevented it.
"Stand calm and keep your hands down," he said.
Because of the corset, my position was difficult.
Ilona opened my skirt behind my back and slid the skirt down, it easily came because the rubber slipped well.
"Kneel, facing the bed," the man ordered, "Put your hands on the bed so that we see them, do it slowly and calmly."
I did so, rubber pants gave creak sound, they were difficult to move.
Ilona opened my corset laces and straps and took it off, it felt good and liberating.

I was on my knees next to the bed, a collar and a short chain around my neck, mittens in my hands. I had a diaper, rubber pants, boots and legirons. And I was tired.

Still, I was amused by the way they were doing these things.
For committee members, this is rare.
My normal guards make things much faster and more efficient. For them it is normal work and routine.
In principle, it is fun that the members of the Committee think and try things, it makes me important.

"OK, next we'll tie your hand and torso, we'll use a natural rope so it doesn't burn you in the heat of the sauna," Ilona explained.
... that's what I thought. So I can't be free in the sauna ...

The man took the rope, put it tightly around my arms and behind the neck. Then he tied the ropes to my wrists, each separately. He was precise that the rope was not too tight on the wrist.
They moved my hands behind their backs and lifted their wrists up, towards the neck. They tied the ropes from the wrists to the rope behind my neck.
Now my hands were forced to stay tight behind my back, fists up.
"This is a kind of Chinese tradition of tying. Sometimes, prisoner are tied in this way, they can be tied for a long time".

This style wasn't new to me, in fact I had previously experienced similar sauna sessions but I didn't say it to them.
I was even interested in how they do this.
He secured the binding, he tied my arms from elbow to stick tightly to the body.

"Now we can move to the sauna," he said, and disconnected the chain from the bed.
He helped me stand and we walked together in the sauna shower / toilet.
"Can I get the lower body naked before the sauna?" I asked.
I didn't want to get inside a hot sauna in rubber pants and boots.

"Of course, we do the rest of the preparations here," the man said.
Inside the shower room was a wooden bench. He directed me to it and ordered me to sit.
He opened my steel collar and replaced it with a strong rope. Ilona held on to it.
He opened my legirons and took them away, and also boots.

I was a little laughing at the comedy situation. I was like a princess that is prepared to take a bath.

Finally came the turn of rubber pants.
They were very tight and when they rolled them off my skin "scream" sweaty when it finally reached clean air.
At the same time, they sprayed water on my feet, it felt good.
I finally got the diaper out. I was proud that it remained dry.

I wanted to clear myself but the man said I had to wait a moment.
It was very difficult!
He took the rope again and tied my ankle, he tied them so that maybe 15 cm between the ankles.
Eventually they helped me sit in the toilet seat and I could pee. It was awesome!

"kneel down on the floor" the man said "now we can take the mittens off".
It was funny, I had already forgotten the mittens. I was already accustomed to them and the fact that I can't use my fingers. Especially now that I couldn't see them.

The man sat on the bench behind me and began to open the mittens. Ilona left the room.
Strict mittens did a lot of work but eventually he got them off.
I was surprised when he took a slightly thinner rope / string and tied my thumb up towards the neck. It was not pleasant.
"I'm sorry but this must be done," he said, "in this way we can replace mittens".

When he finished her job, the door opened and Ilona came back in.
She was completely naked. It completely surprised me. I had never seen her naked, I was even a little confused.
She looked fresh and beautiful even though she had removed all her makeup. Her body was beautiful though she was not young anymore.
Long-term use of the corset has shaped her nicely.
She came to stand close to me and caught my neck rope.
I could sense her femininity.

The man stated that everything was well and left the room.

to be continued...

Facebook is attacking me again.
There are 3 321 members in my group.
I'm trying to control it and remove images from it (downloaded by others) but it seems impossible.
All members do not understand or want to comply with the regulations.
It is sad.

The upcoming consequence is that my Facebook account will be closed.
It's unfortunate because I haven't done anything wrong.

"Because Friends Who Like Steel Restraints has content that goes against our Community Standards on fraud and spam, it's been disabled. Using misleading or inaccurate information to artificially collect likes, followers, or shares is not allowed. Contacting people for commercial purposes without their consent is also not allowed.
The group is only visible to you and any other admins right now so you can review our Community Standards and remove anything that violates them. You might need to:
Edit the group's name and description
Change the cover photo
Delete posts
After you've made these changes, you can request a review of the group. You can only do this once.
If we find that it meets our Community Standards, the group will be restored. If not, it will be permanently deleted."

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I really enjoy the warmth and humidity of the sauna. There was also a pleasantly dim lighting.
The situation had come as a quick surprise, but I greatly appreciated everything they did.
We talked freely, even joking and laughing. It was nice.
I even forgot that I am tied and bound. I was very relaxed. Also fatigue disappeared.
We also talked about where we are, the ski / tourist center.
There are downhill skiing areas, no big but comfortable for families. Normal nordic ski can also be enjoyed here. The area has a lake and also a larger public sauna next to it.
We laughed as we thought about what would happen if we went to a public sauna.
Bound and a heavily controlled woman in the public sauna are quite rare, even here.
... fortunately, almost every cottage has its own private sauna, like this one.

The advantage of a public sauna here is that it is very close to the lake. It's easy to go swimming.
It is also possible in winter, there is a big hole in the ice where it is possible to swim. It's very common here.

We talked about how healthy winter swimming is.
Rapid cold exposure also causes hormones to circulate: cortisol and endorphin secretion increases. Tissue cooling and cortisol together prevent pain sensation, and endorphins create a sense of pleasure.

The man also told the story about the time of his father training in the army: They were marching on the ice of the lake, almost -30 Celcius and the torrential wind ... very cold.
The team leader had inquired that who thinks it is too cold.
A few soldiers had raised their hands and the leader said "they will get warm".
They had made a hole in the ice and the men who had complained about the cold took off their clothes and went into the water.
The outside temperature was -30 Celcius (+ wind) but the water can only be zero Celcius so the water was much warmer than the cold air.
While the men were in the water, their comrades put a tent upright where they can dress again and then continue the march.
... Maybe this is one of the reasons why Finnish soldiers were good and tough fighters. Today it would not be possible, the Army is not like before.

Suddenly the man asked me what I think... would I like to experience the cold?
I laughed. I thought it was absolutely impossible for them to take me to the public place to "swim".
"Of course I would like to experience it!" I laughed.
They were quiet and looking at each other, then again at me.
I stopped laughing when I realized they had a plan.
"We can't take you to the lake but we can do something else," the man said with a smile "as you know, this is the last cottage in the area. Just behind the cottage is a dark forest. No one can see there. There's still a lot of snow there. You can swim in the snow! "

It was a surprise I didn't expect.
But we had just talked about the good things about winter swimming, the thought felt wild but it even fascinated me.
"Oh ... ok .." I wonder "do I have options?"
Now they laughed "you really have no options. Only that you do it by crying or without crying".
I thought it was great that I even have something I can choose ...

The man threw more water on the hot stones. hot water vapor struck us but it quickly became a pleasant heat.

The man got up and left the sauna, I and Ilona were still sitting inside and enjoying the heat.
Eventually the man came back, he had a ballgag in his hand.
"This is just a precaution," he said, "nobody sees us and the gag prevents anyone from hearing us"
"I am sure that I do not need it," I said. I wouldn't have wanted the ball in my mouth.
"We are also sure, but still you have to take it. As I said, it's a precaution  and it is not negotiated".
He came up in front of me and I opened my mouth. The black silicone ball went to my mouth, behind the teeth, like thousands of times before.
I put my head down and he fixed the buckle. Strictly as always.
Ilona stepped out of the sauna and returned for a moment.
He was wearing boots. I noticed now that the man also had shoes.
Ilona took my neck rope behind me and the man came and lift me to his shoulder.
He simply and quickly carried me out and behind the cottage to darkness.
The situation was just like a cheap horror movie.
I wasn't scared, I wasn't terrified. on the contrary, I had fun and I enjoyed every moment!
At first everything was dark but when my eyes got used I saw something ... There was a dug in the snow, like a grave!
It didn't look fun anymore.
He let me down, the snowy land was very cold.
I saw how our hot bodies lifted light mist.
Behind the back there was a thin light of the cottage and everything was really like horror in the movie.

Ilona had two felts, she put her own felt on her shoulders and gave the other to the man.
They were warm, not for me.
"Kneel down to the hole" man said.
There was no more fun for me, I didn't want to do it.
The man caught my neck rope and forced me to kneel. At the same time, he poured me down.
I was in the snow on my side and couldn't do anything, I was helpless.

"Go on your back" he ordered "go straight to the position".
I did that. I knew I had no choice.
The man took a light shovel somewhere. He put the snow on me. He started to bury me in the snow!
I got an uncontrolled panic attack but what can I do! I tried to lift my legs.
"Control yourself," the man said strongly, "If you can't control yourself, we will tie your leg like a frog. It takes a lot of time ... do you want it?"

Cold snow burned my hands, lower back, buttocks and legs but I tried to calm myself. I cried and tried to scream.
"Well ..." The man said "I knew that ballgag is a good idea".
He continued to throw snow on me. Eventually I was completely covered, only the face was visible.
When I calmed down, I felt the pain disappear.
It all seemed a little pleasant for a moment. I accepted that feeling even though I knew its dangerousness.

to be continued...

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We were all quiet, we enjoyed the sauna and its moist heat.
The man's hand was on my feet. I felt like I was in good care.
Finally, the man got up, Ilona touched my cheek. Maybe I was even sleeping a little.

"It's time to wash and take a shower" Ilona said "We all have to sleep a little".
I would have liked to stay there, head to her warm lap but I knew it couldn't last long.

She helped me sit, then I realized how tired I was. I was like drugged.
The man carried me in the shower room.
I was on my knees again on the floor. Ilona watered me with a shower and washed my hair. Many times my head fell on her body but she didn't care, I did it deliberately because I wanted more touch.
She washed me efficiently, treated my hair and body. "If you have to pee, do it now" Then the shower was used again.
"You haven't eaten anything," she said, "do you want something?"
I was very tired and relaxed, almost asleep already.
"No thanks, I don't need anything" I said.

I was on my knees and waited when they washed in the shower.
I already got a little cool but she dried me with a soft towel. I was very pampered.
"Now we can move into the bedroom," she said, and they helped me stand.
They supported me and walked slowly forward. The rope between my ankles was very short.
Eventually we were in the bedroom and I sat on the bed.
The man removed my neck rope and replaced it with my normal steel collar. The chain was locked into the bed frame.

Ilona gave me a drink of water, it was a bottle with a drinking straw, I drank it with pleasure. Only then did I notice that I was very thirsty.
The man looked at my ropes "What do you think about tying?" he asked.
"It's a nice but at the same time very effective bonding style" I said "the rope material is also pleasant, even in a hot sauna. I can understand that in this way can be tied up for long periods of time. "
"...but my thumbs ... it's torture," I added.
"Thumb binding was just an additional security, it effectively prevented the use of fingers," the man explained the thing I already knew.
"We're doing this now," he said, turning me to bed on my stomach. He shortened my collar chain so I couldn't get up.
Next he took my handcuffs and put them on my tied wrists.
"Now when your hand is cuffed I can open the thumb binding." He worked with my thumbs "otherwise you're tied all night. Because this is a strange place we can't rely on your normal routine."
"Move your thumbs and fingers" Ilona said. She checked that everything was fine.
The movement of the thumbs gave me some pain but I think it's just temporary.

They also put my legcuffs on and locked them with a chain on the bed frame. Ankle ropes were not opened.
The ropes limited me more than the cuffs. Cuffs were just extra backup.
Eventually she put my night time ballgag in my mouth. It is slightly smaller than normal so it's easy to breathe with it.
Lastly, I got a hood on my head, it was a black, strong cloth. Not a normal leather hood. I would have liked a normal leather hood because it gives me a safe and tight feeling. This was apparently a "light travel hood".
They put a thick blanket on me.
"Good night" they said and left the room, I heard the door locked.
The room had lights on, as always, I saw it through the fabric.
It didn't bother me, I was already asleep.

to be continued...

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"I'm really sorry!" I said frantically, "my hands are still numb and weak because they were bound for a long time," I tried to explain.
"I saw what happened," she said, "it was an accident, so can happen to anyone. Damage did not happened" She smiled.
"One more good thing about leather clothing ... it's easy to keep clean and tidy".
She became serious "I want to know why you were scared so much . As I said ... it was a clear accident".
I was perhaps a little ashamed of my reaction "I don't know, I just didn't want it to happen, everything is so well now".
"What if something happens to your normal day like this? "She wanted to know "how the guards do then? ".
I was puzzled and wondering how to give the answer.
"Usually it can't happen, it's impossible" I explained ". Daily routines and practices go so that such situations cannot happen".
"When the guards are close to me, they always behave like I am a hostile prisoner" I told " that is, all things are strictly and forcefully secured. "
"What happens if they think you are disobedient or badly behaved, maybe you make someone wrong?" she asked "They punish you immediately?"
Now I was really embarrassed. I didn't want to complain about the guards. If they were to know about it, it might worsen my life. They are my everyday life.
I had tears in my eyes, "They don't hit me, etc, nothing like that. Handling can be more cruel for some reason, handcuffs may be tighter than normal. Shackles connector chains can be shortened. Sometimes they don't let me eat. Sometimes there are times when the web connection is disconnected even though I need it in my work. Many small things..."
"I do not want to tell you these things," I cried, "if they get to know that I am complained, it may complicate my life."
Ilona looked at me tightly, she even touched my wet cheek. "You have to tell everything ... and they have to know we've heard you.
Your life includes a strict discipline, constraints, rules, and routines. It also includes strict people who do things by agreement.
It does not include a variable arbitrariness ".
She squeezed my hand "That is why the Committee has five members who decide on all your life. One or two people can't make decisions, it requires a majority. If you have to be punished, the decision is made by the Committee, no one else.
This is the thing that separates imprisonment from slavery. You are not a slave!"
She got up "so I think the committee and the guards have a serious discussion next week !.

to be continued...

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I was stupid. But I was thinking all the time that they have carefully planned the whole action.
It would have been disrespectful to interrupt the chain of action.
I tried to explain it to them.
Stine laughed thinly "you are right, it was planned but our emotional moment made me forget it" She said, "As you can see, we are not routine handlers in your daily activities."
"Now you have been secured for a car trip, the trip is not long" she thought "but on the other hand, we don't know what kind of toilet your grandmother has. It would be a security risk to take you there".
"What kind of need do you have?" she asked "only pee or poo as well?".
"Right now there is no need" I answered "Maybe the sauna dried me so much that I don't feel the need to pee right now, but it is coming at some point".
"Hmmm, maybe you should have been wearing a diaper in this case," she said, "We can always learn something new".
"So we now have two options: you are trying to pee now or you are wearing a diaper for this visit. For your sake," Ilona thought.
"She already has all the restraints and clothes" the man said "the easiest way is to lift her skirt and dress the diaper for her. It can be secured using extra tape ".
I'm not excited about the idea.
"You're right, maybe it's better to do that," Ilona said.
She looked at me and said, "This is not your fault, but if you had told us before, we wouldn't have to do this."

It was unfair!
I am required to be disciplined and often restricted in speaking.
Now I have behaved well and done as they say. However, it happens.
I felt like this was a punishment... Shame punishment.
Ilona saw my look.
"C'moon ... this is not a bad thing, Diaper is just a backup. It doesn't even show up because the skirt hides it effectively. We use tape and pack it tightly" she said "it makes you feel confident throughout the visit! ".

The matter was closed. The debate ended.
Ilona went out of the room and brought a new diaper and tape.
"Stand stable"  man said, he was behind me and raised my coat and skirt high up.
"Spread your feet and lift your hands up".
I spread my feet as much as possible, legcuffs limiting them. I also try lift my hands but it was difficult because of the rigid handcuffs.
I would have been able to help them and stick to the skirt but it was impossible because of the gloves. I was like a doll who can't do anything.
Ilona opened the diaper and placed it around me.
She lifted the rear chain to get the diaper to settle. She fastened the diaper with its own tape attachment.
Next, he took dutch tape and secured the diaper to stay tight.
My lovely new panties were now under the diaper. It annoyed me.
"Now you can stand normally" she said and lowered my skirt.
The diaper was not very thick but still I was sure it would be clearly visible. The skirt feel tighter at that point.
It had a big emotional meaning to me.

The man sighed "Maybe we are now ready to move out and to the car?"

to be continued...

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I knew I should be happy about this opportunity but I was sad.
I decided to try to be brave and cheerful, so that Grandma will remain a good memory of me!
We sat in the car and waited, we didn't speak anything, it was normal. Radio played pop music.
Eventually I saw Ilona coming out of the building. She opened the door of the car and sat next to me.

"Second floor, no elevator," she said to the man.
She looked at me "We are changing the plan, handcuffs and gloves stay locked until we are in the apartment. The walk there is a longer than I thought so it is good to keep you secured throughout the time. "
I was horrified "Do I have to go in front of granny in handcuffs?" I had already liked the original plan where granny wouldn't see my handcuffs.
"There's no problem with it," she said, "I already told her that this is happening. It won't come as a surprise to her."
I wouldn't have liked it but there are no options.
Grandmother knows everything about my life anyway ... and she also reads my Diary.

"How did she look?" I asked, "Is she very sick? I wanted to know." Can she be upright or is she in bed? "
I had asked grandmother these things but she never gave an answer. I was nervous now.
I have seen cancer patients, they are pale, without hair due to a number of treatments etc. It is horrible.
I was trying to prepare to face her.
It might have been better if I didn't see her sick... It is very selfish thought...

"Do not worry now," Ilona said briskly, "Soon you will see for yourself and you can chat with her!"
She opened my seat  extra waist belt and also a normal seat belt.
Then se took a scarf from her neck and placed it on my ridig handcuffs on both sides.
The man opened the door and opened legcuffs lock from the car floor.
He helped me out of the car.
They came to me on both sides and tightly brought me in the door of the building.
Inside the hallway they pushed me against the wall, face to wall. The man held tight on my arm.
"We stay here," he said, and Ilona left to move the car to the parking lot.
We stand still in our place. From somewhere up I heard the sound of the door and the voice of the children.
Two children came down the stairs and maybe their mother. I didn't see them because my face was against the wall.
Children were happy and spoke and laughed at their mother.
The man squeezed my arm tightly, he tried to appear relaxed. The mother of the children greeted him and they passed us.
I'm wondering if we look strange ... surely so. Casual, "relaxed"  man with a rigid woman, woman with nose attached to a wall.

Eventually, Ilona came back.
They both took me on my arm, both sides. We walked in the hallway, then we got up the stairs.
I need very rarely get up the stairs but it went pretty well.
I was pleased that my vertical chain was locked in the middle of the legcuffs hobble. If it were typically on an O-ring where the hobble would go "free" it would give very much chain sounds on the stony stairs.
Now it was good though a bit more restrictive.

Eventually we were on the second floor. We found the door where is grandmother's name.
Ilona took the key from the jacket pocket. I was wondering but then I realized that she had taken the key with her on the first visit. No need to use the doorbell now and wait in the hallway.
She opened the door and we stepped in.

to be continued...

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"That's enough memories' grandmother said briskly," next to future "

"I am not rich" she smiled "but also not poor. As you know, grandfather and I had a farm. I sold it and invested money.  I bought apartments in this village. They were not expensive because this small and secluded village. I own from this house 4 apartments and from the adjacent house 3. I rent apartments for tourists who come here to ski.
It's not an awesome business but it gives something ".
"I have the money I want to share before I die. When I give away a little to every loved one, money does not have to pay inheritance tax. Everybody wins " she laughed" except the state "This country has such a bad political leadership that it doesn't deserve my money!"

She continues "I want to give some of the money to the child you have given birth".
She looked at me." I know that I do not need to do it but I'm still his great-grandmother. I can do what I want with my money. You also get the same money as the grandchildren of the family".

I didn't want to talk about money. I don't even use the money myself.
"You can give money to him if you want, but he has great parents while he was not missing anything," I said, "You can talk to the Committee about my money. Or you can donate money directly to abused women. Maybe the former female prisoners would be a good donation destination".

"I think about it," she said, "I guessed in advance that you feel about it this way..."

She looked at the clock. "The clock is ticking ... I was told that this visit is a time to a maximum of one hour" She smiled at me but I saw in her eyes that she was already tired.

Ilona took my gloves, I stretched out my hand and she put them on me.
The man was standing in the background all the time. He didn't say a word. Now he came and helped the coat over me. He took the handcuffs.
"I know this is a strange request," Grandmother said "but can I?"
My escorts looked at each other, then the man nodded and gave the handcuffs to my grandmother.
She weighed the handcuffs in her hand and came to my front.
I stretched out my hand and she put the handcuffs on me. She carefully checked that the gloves are under Irons.
The handcuffs were immediately tight enough."These must be double locked so that they are safe," she said.
"I don't care about the rules now," she said and kiss me on the forehead.
She looked at my escorts and said, "Take good care of her."
Ilona gave a promise and hugged my grandmother.
The man opened the door and we stepped out of the apartment.

to be continued...

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Same route back. We landed down the stairs. My escorts were on my sides and held my arms tight.
It was a good thing because walking down the stairs is harder than going up. I didn't want to crash and fall.
... I liked that they kept me tight, it felt good.
Near the outside door we were again waiting for Ilona to pick up the car.
I could have walked the car, it would have been nice but I know it would be impossible.

Ilona drove the car near the door, she got out of the car and opened the back door.
She came to us and they quickly brought me to the car.
I was like a royal, quick service ...
Because this was a familiar practice it was going very fast. I was secured again and locked ready for the trip.
If someone else had watched, he wouldn't have seen anything special.

We drove back to the ski resort. When we were in the area, the driver stopped the car in front of the shop / restaurant building. Ilona got out of the car and we went on a trip to the cottage. The trip was not long, a few hundred meters.
We sat in the car. I sat behind the driver. He moved the seat further back so that his foot more straight and took a relaxed position.He looked at me in the mirror.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
"Yes sir," I replied formally, "The only thing is that I really need the toilet quickly." I hadn't even noticed the need for a pee before. Only when I was sitting in the car, I felt the pressure. Perhaps because of the tight waist belt
"I understand" the man said, "Ilona is shopping for food. When she comes, we can go into the cottage. Now we have to wait ".
Waiting was not the best option.  Now, when I let it in my mind so it felt very difficult to hold back any longer.
"Sir, I have a very hard time now  " I said "could we not go inside and straight to the toilet right now?"
"You know the rules," he said calmly, "I can't deal with you alone. That is why we have to wait for she to come here ”.
I started nervous "Why don't we wait for him in front of the shop?" I asked quickly, "If we had been there waiting, we might more quickly in the cottage!"
The man was still calm "Stop it. You have to behave!" He looked at me in the mirror, "Ilona wants to walk ... and the other reason is that we can't be in front of the shop because you behave badly, that's why we're hiding here and waiting."
"...It is dangerous and unhealthy if I need to hold a pee for a long time" I said quietly, like a little girl.
The man looked at me and laughed "that's a pretty dramatic show! It doesn't work now, you know it. You have a diaper. If you have to do it, trust it. It is your choice" He became serious" If you hadn't played a fool in the morning, if you had told us the toilet need in time, this would not happen now. Now no more a word! "

I was very frustrated. It was true that I was playing in the morning. I wanted to know how they work when they notice a mistake. But I thought I could handle the toilet thing anyway. I did not expect this silly diaper arrangement!

I tried to change my position, I moved my legs, the chains held the sound. At the same time, I lifted my handcuffed hands upward,  not so much  but my rigid fingers hit the driver's seat back.
The man jumped up and looked at me with astonishment.
"What are you doing! Lower your hands immediately and keep them down!"
I was scared, I hadn't meant anything but he had interpreted my movement totally wrong!
He moved his seat forward, I could no longer reach it.

to be continued...